My whole life, whenever I try hard for something, I lose it.
The more I go for it, the faster it runs away from me.
Then I switched a mindset and start doing things for others.

Even if I know that she's the right person, I give up the fight..
I just feel fucking helpless, fucking useless, fucking worthless..

It's like whatever I do in life is wrong, I've to give it others to make things right..

But it's not like I wanna prove anything, prove that I can make things right. I just am tired of losing things, things that feels special, not something that downgrades into something not special, like just being friends.

Yknow what, after saying all these, I really feel like slapping myself for talking so much shit. I should learn to shut the fuck up, shut my heart up, and go back to sitting in my room alone and game my life away since my internet is up already.

Everytime I say something to someone and I really fucking mean it, it disappears.

Dafugg you trying to tell me god. really.. I'm really tired, of losing things, regardless of how hard I try, how hard I hold on to it, it just has to disappear from me....

Just stop fucking with me sometimes, I don't want temporary, I want something that lasts till the end of time, something worth the climb.

That thing that beats

It longs for you.
Even if it hurts it still wants you.
Your voice soothes it.
Your concern warms it.
Your presence assures it.


But sometimes, your words and actions breaks it.

When life gives you lemons, you step on them and make yourself 酸 in every way.

I know I won't be able to do it fast, and I'm dropping into the abyss faster than I can climb, enjoying the thrill within that up coming danger.

I know that I have to fix up this circuit board fast, but it's gonna electrocute me if I take my own sweet time.

I know that this mirage is fun to be in, the mass effects that makes me smile and long to stay, that every second of joy that brings a skin screaming sensation of happiness. But if I can never sculp a reality out of it, when it fades, it'll be nothing once again.

I've to harden.

I can never find..

" maybe, it's just for the better "

because it just doesn't make me feel any better.

When you risk it all, and get a broken heart.

You realize that life, really has no fucking purpose.

I just fucking hate myself, so so fucking much.

Moral Fiber.

What is moral fiber?

I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds.
But lately I've been seeing it differently.

Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about.
That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world.
And when you find her, you fight for her.

You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your future, your life, all of it.

And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean.

You know what?

It doesn't matter.

Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze.

Straitjacket feeling

Friends around me are all getting attached, attached, or fooling around with other girls.
I believe its just human to think this way, that everyone needs somebody.
To feed their soul in every different aspect.

I, chose the wrong person.
Right now, the scenario goes like this, if I ever go for that item that feeds my soul, lets just say, till the end of my life, I'll cause a really huge ruckus. And as days goes by, this item' shell will grow thicker and thicker until the day when I'll never get access to it anymore. UNLESS, it breaks on it's own? Hahahaha.

I really need somebody to talk to, but seems like I can't say anything to anybody here, because it'll just blow up and unneccesary trouble will follow suit after.

Love is blind and deaf, quoted by a friend.
Love is also something you fight for, regardless of the circumstances.
Friendship is a bond that heals after breaking. Some abuse this power, to restrict others.

I can honestly say, I'm suffering quite abit right now. I feel kinda lonely, and sad. This week has been really rough on me. I really don't know how much longer will this downhill trip last but please, make it quick....

Yes, it's a sad week, thus I posted. Has been really long since I felt this heavy load on my shoulders once again. Well, the only thing I can make myself feel better is just this, that at least I still have a blog which I can pour my sorrows into.

Just gotta learn to climb out of this pit a little faster.

Oh my mercs~

Okay seriously, I don't wanna go back to melbourne due to this high level of fun I'm experiencing in singapore HAHA, but sigh, time's up! I've to head back to melbourne in less than 24 hours.

It was a really awesome 3 weeks here, friends, family and all. There's just too much to say, and I'm too lazy to type.

I'm gonna miss everything here, my family, my friends, the cheap food, the clubs..

and most importantly, my mercs D:

( I believe nobody reads my blog anymore so.. )

and the mercs-girl HAHAHAHA
Gosh, been so fucking long, since I got this heartpumpdamnfast feeling.
( Should've took another pic with her, gah~ D: )

But anyhow, I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed.

AND.. follow my heart~
Thats it folks, i need to go pack my bag, after I have a good long rest HAHA LAST MINUTE FTW~


P.S. I need a car in melbourne ASKFJSAGHKLAHJAGK!! gonna psycho my dad hehehe

Post 360~

I realize I only blog whenever I feel that this something needs to be written down and to be remembered for the rest of my life..

anyhow...

Its been 11 months since I first left singapore towards this journey, this journey of knowledge, of new friendship, of a foreign area filled with so many things to explore, @ melbourne.

Happy 11th monthsary to china style and my regular patronization.
Happy 11th monthsary to subway as my everyday breakfast. [ Double meat fillet with bacon HOLYSHIT ]

And good bye to the chef at china style. It still feels kinda sad to not have him around, hes the only guy that speaks hokkien to me in Melbourne D: Anywho, I wish him a happy new year, and a great life ahead!! He says he stays in bahan? <-- idk the spelling, but its some part of msia. I would like to visit him someday if possible. :D

2, of my best friends/neighbours are moving out, to FUCKING 1 LEVEL LOWER?!?! THESE CUNTS!!!!!!

HAHA oh wells, at least they ain't that far away from me and yeah, we could still meet up from time to time. GOODBYE ISHTI AND AAMIR D:D:D:D:

BUT chinese has this saying eh, new ones wont come if old ones doesnt go, so, hope I'll get new nice neighbours hahahaha :D

And yeah, exams tomorrow, but I don't really feel like studying at all?! I think I'm fully prepared already yknow?

OH OH!! YESTERDAY, I went to ace of spades, this shuffling club, holy shit, everyone inside was shuffling like a bouse! GOD I NEED TO PERFECT MY SHUFFLING MAN!

OKAY thats it for now!
Pardon me for not updating my blog recently.. hehe ;D

I'm gonna work hard on my sponsored team in team refiance! [ to hopefully get full sponsorship ]
I'm gonna work hard for my studies.

Girls, meh, for now, I won't think about it, though I have this one special girl in my mind HAHA


KK till nexttime~

It was a month ago when I thought about you leaving.
And now its 2 days before you are officially gone out of my reach, for awhile/eternity or whatever it might be.

But I guess, I've to live with what life opens for me.
Maybe living further apart was always a good deal for personalities like such and at the current stage we dance in.

Suck it up andy.

Moving on is really a hard thing, part of your soul lingers in that place where you last left. Memories flash, be it happy or sad, and part of you wants to experience that feeling, or even own that feeling till the end of time.

I don't know what to do, should I just be happy go lucky and do whatever I want, or..

Sigh, I just don't know.

And my job is done. Don't think of what the result is, or what will happen in the future. Just, be happy and move on.

This friday, last job! Once I fulfill all your past wishes, I think my job is done..

And at that time, I hope, I can really let go of all my wishful thoughts and give up and move on properly.

SAVING UP!
Next year I'm going to Blizzcon no matter what!
And I'm gonna bring you along ;)

I know everything's over. There's no way of trying to dig up that past and try .. to ask for forgiveness and such.

It's just .. I miss those times.

Just fuck off

There's signs that make me feel that I'm still wanted.
Maybe, its just those stuff, that give me hope, but on the other hand, it's just another thing that you leave there because you can't be bothered to change it.

I don't know, I'm afraid to say it, there're things I want to say, but I know it won't turn out the way I want it to be, so I keep quiet, and give myself that glimpse of hope, to make myself a happier lad as my days go by.

Once they take advantage of you, it's hard, very hard, to get back into the game.

Today, is the first time I went to the club, not to dance,grind ( I don't okay, maybe recently I accidentally did HAHA ), or any other dirty acts but instead, just to associate.

ANYHOW~

430am, I should jolly well be sleeping already but something is keeping me awake.
and here it goes..

Confidence is something that is lacking in me now. I tend to be really scared of what's happening around me.

Questions like, what if that happens, I don't want that to happen, how to make sure it doesn't happen keeps appearing in my mind.

and that,

was caused by my past relationships. Regardless of those actions I did might be wrong and stuff on the line, I try my best, to provide my loved ones something, something in exchange for their smile, affection and concern.

I'm just like that, I believe lotsa guys out there are like me too. We might complain, we might nag and argue about stuff that we're unhappy about. You definitely do not want to listen to them, but you know what, after all of THAT, we still go back and do what we have to do, to bring you smiles and happiness.

Because no matter how much we frown, at the end of the day, when we see that megawatt smile of yours, every bit of sadness, madness fades to nothing.

OKAY suddenly I feel that I'm getting out of point HAHA ( most prolly because I'm ACTUALLY complaining right now HAHA, love my blog, best place to rant! )

..but yes, all I want now, is to regain that confidence, to provide my absolute 101% trust and love to this next girl I want to date( might be you you or you? ), and hopefully, crossing my fingers, an everlasting one :D

Obstacles, here I come!! ^_^

Why do I still lie, yknow what, I have never lie to somebody for such a long time before, just because I'm a really selfish person to begin with.

But at the end of the day, what feeds me is see-ing you.
and at the end of the day, what makes you happy, is to let you go from my heart.

Can somebody drown me plz, not literally, but drown me with delicacies so I can forget all of these, temporarily.

Tell me about,

differences between mr nice guy, and mr foolish guy?

And I shall tell you about,

how I treat people whom lies to me

despite it black or white.

Persuasion is something that is dying within me.

From now on, no matter how unfair life is towards me, I promise everyone, that I'll do my utmost, to bring y'all nothing, but fond memories.

When you apologize because you're afraid you've offended that person, regardless of whether you had or not..

what kind of a person does that makes you?

insecured?
don't wanna make any enemies?
just want everyone to be happy?

all of the above?

hmmm..

I just don't wanna screw up anymore, I can say I'd really want to try it out, but something in me, is just holding me back and we know, you don't stay in stock forever, you'll be taken one day.

After that day, from I don't know, I started growing feelings for you. But right now, it's the fear of trying, and everything is inferior compared to everything I see. I'd try, but yknow, my confidence of bringing you happiness is near to naught and maybe.. maybe he's just better off with you? Haha, I don't know!

FUCK! I need to vent it all on my micro~

nuff said on one sided love story

or a two sided love story that always goes wrong.

handling problem?
fate problem?
situational problem?

Why so much problems :S

It goes like this..

You really want it..
when it comes to you

meh, you screw up on you feel empty and you don't want it.

so wtf do you want?

wtfsaglaksngjlkdsjgsljhsldkjgsdlkjg!

Rejection is a wake up call to one, to start stepping up on your profile.
To stop sitting and waiting, instead, keep upgrading oneself so that you'll not fall behind.

Thus this is a reminder to myself, from today onwards, I'm gonna work hard on 3 of my babies, dragonboat+gym , studies, and my online gaming tournament. Nothing else.

Maybe abit of shuffling and tectonic? HAHAHA!

But yeah, thats all for now, no more girls no more feelings and such. I want to lead a HAHAHAHAHAHAHA life from now on.

It's gonna be another hell of a ride, but this time, I'ma finish it!

Andy.

There were supposed to be hugs, kisses and fireworks today..

>:(

learn to let go andy, stop trying to give yourself that many chances when others deserve one!

but..

Do you think

it's easy to get out of a heart broken state.
when all you did was dive, dive into the relationship, with no plans of getting out.

I wonder..

Picture that..

nothing but a cup, on a table, in the middle of the room
broken roof and rain pouring in, vulnerable to every single thing that comes in contact..

yeap, thats it.

MONK STYLE~

Patience comes a long way.
Patience bears a pretty fruit most of the time.

And I hope it bears me that particular one.
as my h-ache pulsate, waiting for that moment.

CONE BUN WAH LOLOL

Okay my post won't be that detailed and hyper but~

people make mistakes in their life, in some, they only get that once chance and not fail it, but in others, they get to try again, too sometimes it depends on how serious the matter is.

I personally, want to reopen that chapter and colour it properly this time, perfect all the grammar and spellings. Input the proper punctuations and make this chapter as perfect as ever.
The only problem is, I'm lacking the pen to write it. The publisher doesn't want the chapter to be released soon so I can take my own time to start writing it, and honestly, I'm excited to write this chapter again.

TO DA CLUB, NEED TO DESTRESS, CYA~

I want to build a time machine

It was the happiest time of my life in melbourne. How I wish it stayed.
And the radio has to play ' the fray - how to save a life ' to make me more emo :S

Gah, happy birthday to my dad! I wish you with the most important thing, a perfect healthy body to live a happy life!
You'll never read this anyways, just saying ( acts like a dutiful son ) LOLOL

School sucks, its going so fast and I've to absorb every single thing, I swear I'm getting tired already.

I'm so damn looking forward to what's happening in Singapore during SEPTEMBER, 2 MORE FUCKING MONTHS GOGOGOGO!

and I need to quit showing the sad face and start smiling, even if it hurts!
Alright, thats my new goal ( and study harder ).

GAMBATE ANDY
CIAOZ

Taking care of you, was my privillege and duty
All of these chores as you might see them as, to me is all love and love.

But how silly of me, once again, for your happiness, let myself fall back into the depths again.

It might not be as deep as before but surely, definitely, I'm climbing up from scratch again.

now that another chapter closed with wet pages, I don't think I'll pen down anything new for I believe, things never go my way.

The boy kneels down and begged for advice..

The sage chuckles, grins and say,

"in life, you've to try, but no matter what the outcome, you've to accept it. people come and go, things come and go, money come and go, but if you're scared and all you want to do is just stay put and hope that things stay the same, you'll stagnant and people will lose interest in you. strive for your own happiness."

A facade
and immediate condemn.

I believe if anything bad happens this time, I'll lose the will to love.

A clown..
paints his face with many different bright colours, to look happy and cheerful.

A clown..
paints his smile in a way, it never frowns.

A clown..
always grins, but one never knows what it is within.

A clown..
does his best to entertain and humour you, so you'll smile.

A clown..
takes away all your trouble and sadness, and gives you love and happiness.

A clown..
smiles, when he sees your smile.

And after all of these, he'll have to take off his makeup, and one will never know, what's churning and happening inside him.

For I feel like this clown, as no one understands me.
as cheerful as I can be, I always give and bring forth things, feed on your smiles, and at the end of the day, I'm filled with emptiness,all the way, to the brim.

I swear I hate my life, just for this moment.
I'm lost, yet I have to be on track.
I'm lost, yet I have to be steady.

And when I fall, its game over.

Because there's always no support.

That vicious cycle

Have you ever wondered, why do you deserve that particular kind of treatment from that particular person? And why are you applying that to another person in the upcoming future?

grudge? saddistic?

We'll make an example out of it, a certain person named,

lets say, Tom, always bullies John.
John slowly grows a grudge and swore to himself he'll be successful and powerful like Tom so he wouldn't be bullied again.

When he reaches that stage in life, he slowly grows into that state where he becomes like Tom and starts abusing his power, because he wants to get things done so that he wouldn't get bullied by another..

and that vicious cycle repeats.

Would you be the one person, to put that to an end, to break that chain of effect, to be a forgiving person.

or maybe once again, I'm thinking too much?

You shouldn't be a beast..
yet you were born to be a beast.

How fate controls your life just sucks eh.

Hi, ishti and aamir, if you guys are reading this,

Lets be LEDENGARY! ^^ HAHAHAHAHA

when there're no answers to your questions, that feeling just auto-injects into you.
I need to learn to let go, again.

And keep this in mind, 'knowing too much, sometimes, just isn't a good thing'. Besides, where is the trust if you keep thinking that way right.

Wake up.

It's the same thing all over again.

Except this time, it'll be 9 days, 1 month, 1-3months?

I'm worried, my confidence got crushed once, will I be able to handle it again?

Oh wait, what's with again, I'm confident that I can make this work out, my foresight tells me it'll be super hard but I'm gonna keep trying!

Time to be independent even though I really, really have the urge to splurge and call you.

If you ever read this my little ke ai girl, I love you hehehehe.

K BYE~!

okay something's wrong with my blogger.

In the rain It's been a long long time, since I last worked out, approximately 2-3 weeks? I've been struggling and in a way, gasping for help. Yeah, I know, I'm pathetic in a way, always spending extra cash here and there, to get things done. But from all of these, I realized, that I, the vanguard of my family, that in life, you do not take shortcuts, especially when it's things that lead so far, so far into your future. Back to my workout, I had a basketball game, it was only for awhile because the rain and shine kept a cycle until the heavy downpour. I did my best in the game, the floor was slippery, my shoes arent conditioned to play basketball on that kind of terrain, and the trauma about my knee still lingers somewhere in my mind. I want to jump, I want to play like before, I want to be aggressive, I want to do a proper layup in a proper game, I want to pull the ring again, I want to rewind time, I want my operation to be a success, I just want to be normal again. I know, there're people outside whom're in a state worst than me, they're robbed of mobility, verbal communication, sight and many more. But its just a part of me, that wants that adrenaline rush I miss so much, to exert my body, legs, arms, brain power, willpower, to the maximum and 'breakdown' after a shower and a warm meal. Damn, speaking about warm meal, I miss my mom's simple dishes already. Just porridge, that's left over a time, becoming all gooey and having that with my dad's garlic eggs, top grade-thin-crisp-ly-fried-luncheon-meat, nuggets, and the canned pork ribs. Simple, unhealthy, yet heart-warming. I'm always the one doing the first step to get things done. I was striked off twice by you. To be friends is a yes for me, but I really hope, this time, you'll initiate.. If I'm worthy, of your time and effort. Good day readers :)

Flow, thoughts flow. I just need to pour out these feelings somewhere. Currently I'm having four subjects to cope with, and I can only do well with 2. The other 2 subjects happened to be engineering math and physics which, are subjects that I love but I can't seem to fall in love with them. It's because I have never done grade 11/12 or equivalent, A math and JC math/physics. I swear, I'm suffering right now, everything just seems like a blur to me now. I can just skip classes and give up on these subjects. I've been going to lectures, doing revision, going to student learning centre where there're tutors to help me, watching online tutorials, asking for help from friends but, its just too much for me to catch up. Yes, I know, it sounds wimpy that I give up so easily, just 2months into the course. But tell you what, the tests have been flooding in, every week there're blogs to post to your lecturers, and the lectures never seem to slow down. It keeps going faster and faster, building up faster than I can catchup. There's so many things I want to do.. join a surfing club, be competitive in dragonboat, skydive, club, get a job and work, get a car and drive long hours and scream with friends.. and mend potential friendships. Gah, time to grind the books.

Define being the special one to you.

When jealousy swarms into your heart and soul.
When envy fills to the brim and makes you want to be the person there instead of the other.
When confusion steps in and messes up your every move.

Disappointment crushes you.

I swear I really made a mistake there.
God, my dumbness really kills sometimes.

And whats more, are we still friends?

Although we're from different places, I can say I really do like you.
But it always seems that you're so far away when I try to talk to you.

BURN YOUR WEEKENDS WELL!

Have. To. Study. Harder.

So. I. Can. Enjoy. My. Weekends!

Crown Casino was the best highlight for this week though, blackjack FTW.
Gonna try russian roulette soonish HAHA!

K to the books!

400+AUD
65seconds

lets go? LOL

Today's like the most happening day of my life.

St Kilda's beach after my favourite subway seafood sensation brunch.
Played rugby frisbee and get to dip myself in australia seas? LOL

Keep hitting the same woman while passing the rugby ball and she was super furious saying : ' ONE MORE TIME AND I'M GONNA HURT SOMEBODY ' LOL
I laughed when she said that, okay actually I only chuckle when I turn my back against her HAHA.

Back home, rest, had dinner with the asian group, the hongkongers, treated this 17 yr old, melody, tim tam. She damn cute lah, like elf like that, wanna put her into my pocket LOL

Then after karaoke hostel party, sang along, chill abit and headed towards the.. BASS LOUNGE.
Bass lounge = underground club in a mall? I think? Not bad though, had quite abit of fun but theres one thing which I want to swear about..

FUCK MELBOURNE AND SHUFFLING. WHERE THE FUCK IS TECKTONIK MAN!
They should seriously learn to hybrid it. Nerds?

K its 6am in the morning. I need to sleep, might have a lunch date tmr. Night people who reads my blog :D

BON VOYAGE TO THE PEOPLE WHOM'RE TRAVELLING!

BYE

Now they've been here before, they're not gonna give it to us.
We gotta go out there and take it, right, take it!
I want you to go out there and take it!
1 2 3, TAKE IT!

Fuck man, I'm all fired up.. but I've to go to bed FUCK!

TAKE IT! HAHAHAHAHA!

Don Haskins : You got real talent son, why throw it away.

Bobby Joe Hill : I'll tell you why, ever since i was a kid, i only love one thing, that was playing ball. Do you understand what that's like to have that ball in your hand, it's like, it's like making sweet music with your game, only thing is, you don't wanna hear the song.

I think GSL needs hokkien-gangster-language commentators. LOL
Needs a new flavour to it.

and wtf!?!? Waterbats LOL

But then again, fate wouldn't just work if you don't do anything about it.

Yesterday was really up and down.

The downside is getting too hasty and caring too much :S

Even the leaf fell and tap my right cheek ( like giving me a tight slap to wake me up from my wrongdoings )

The up? Well, I was driving home and receive that thing which made my mood really, up until cannot up?! LOLOLOL! It really did make my day, for a moment I really thought , yeah, no hope alr?

K, self control, self compose, lets continue..

Yeap, its a 61 key keyboard. I bought one for myself to bring over to melb and self learn it ^^ Quite cheap and its quite decent as well. Was trying it out at PS just now.

Okay confession time, I'm back in Singapore for people whom reads this. I came back for some reason and for afew days and yes, I didn't bother to tell you guys not because I'm not brother enough but, aiya, afew days only what :S Nothing much to fuss about.

Alright, I'm gonna go pack my bag and prepare for take off later at 11:45pm towards melb once again! Damn, all the travelling hahahaha! AND ALUMBRA TMR! Holy cow, am I excited or what!

Later~ ;D

P.S. I'm really sorry for what happened ytd still. And.. goodluck for your last paper! I guess thats all I can say for now till I'm 'quarantined'. Oh wells.

P.P.S. This time I'll bet it on ' time ', ' patience ' and ' fate '.

Stupid Boy.



A very beautiful song hidden inside my 'inventory' which I've no idea why am I only sharing it now. HAHA.
K need to go his concert. ^^

K, I hate it when this happens.
I guess I'll leave it to you to do it right, fate.

And if it happens, I really dk how to react to that :S

My envy.
Damn how I wish you would heal. COMPLETELY

http://www.my-wardrobe.com/sebago/navy-and-red-leather-boat-shoes-517337?c_id=wgusd&utm_source=webgains_affiliate_usd&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=webgains_affiliate_usd&_$ja=tsid:9732&cm_mmc=affiliate-_-webgains-_-US-_-my-wardrobe

I wonder if this sleek boat shoe fits me ^^

I need some self control pills!

My impatience-ness, 's always the key to destroying everything I've sowed.
But damn, I just want to do it.

********

My dad missed me so much till he got fever and he was super happy, eating subway with me just now in the morning. I seriously thought he came by for business but he cancelled his business trip just to see me and how I'm doing over here.
Fuck man, and hes leaving tmr, sounding kinda sad and stuffs. I'm tossing in bed, wondrin if I should accompany him back to sg tmr, same flight. My mom scolded me, my dad was esctatic hearing that I'll fly with him. Sigh, I'm caught in the middle?

Once again? Help?

angmohs are really angmohs
Their actions and games really mei hua ke shuo.
2hours of pingpong?! hmmm, really?

When should one stop fighting and accept their own fate?
I've fought really hard for things..
I'm born with deficiency in my eyes when my dream was to..
I was ready for the national team when my knee had to..

But I guess I'm still gonna try for the things I want/like, no matter how much times I'm gonna fail.
Andy fighting?! :D

And I've been playing pingpong all day long, maybe the route to success for me 's actually to become australia's national paddler? LOL

K, need to stop bs-ing and rest. Tmr's the time to tectonik LOL kekezx

I think I'm seriously gonna grow fat in no time.
Yesterday was steak and cheese foot long.
Today's subway melt with a routine of sleeping from 9pmSGT - 5amSGT ( +3hrs in melb ), go buy subway, divide into 3 portions, ate a portion and sleep till 1pmSGT. and just! finished the last portion of it at 545pmSGT. ( Okay even I'm confused about what I'm saying -.- )
Whatever it is, I just eat sleep sit eat sleep sit x 135132432523
FUCK MAN , I swear I'm gonna hit the gym and ooze all the fats out!

Just went out with this, level 6 mate, like the best friend I've made throughout this 2 days? LOL
He's from bangladesh and he's studying the same course as me. HEHE, can make use of him to help me with school work whenever I'm stuck LOL
Damn, I feel so xia jian /slaps-myself.

Okay, it's time, I shall go downstairs, to the tv room and try to make new friends haha!
Btw, if I'm not wrong, I'm clubbing tmr? WTFSAGASGASGDASHGDS. Can't believe I'm going to start clubbing already LOL

And I seriously wonder why, those whites like to play pingpong? Theres the pool table and arcade machines around and they'all just hog the ping pong table? Screw em LOL

OKAY
I promise not to be such an asshole, forgive me my buddha HAHA

SQ airlines really damn power.
Especially when it comes to the food part. I had like yu sheng, with a piece of sashimi inside, chicken fried rice, bread with butter, biscuit with cheddar cheese. Seriously, feels like a feast O_O

Arrived in Melbourne and waited for 3hours to register myself into the school. Then after I walked ard to buy..

1) Pillow
2) Pillow cover
3) Mattress cover
4) Water cooker
5) SAGSAHWELGADSJHGLASHASFK I FORGET TO BUY PORTABLE FAN!

Tonight I'm gonna fucking wet the bed with my body fluids kekekezx :X

Haven't eaten a thing since then but tell you what, its 5pm now, we're 3 hours ahead, I'm gonna crash for abit, cause I haven't slept a wink at all since i board the plane at 10pm. Totally regret, keep watching all the stephen chow movies/play games/andy lau mahjong movie = touchdown at melbourne in a blink blink O_O!

HAHA kk shall be back!
STILL, singapore > melbourne!

There're bound to be more attractive things outside.
But now that I've bound my heart to this one thing..

I'll let fate take it's course :)

Jennifer Lopez - On The Floor ft. Pitbull (NEW 2011 FULL SONG)

Okay this song keeps ringing in my head LOL
Damn addictive.

''You never know how it feels to lose someone, someone so close..
Because you were prepared at some point, to let it hit you and move on''

I really shouldn't have poured out my whole heart, when I saw your best friend cheating on you, to take care of you and make sure you never ever feel sad anymore.

I'm confused, I'm still lost.
I don't know why must I be the kind of person that needs answers, answers that'll make me move on.
Normally I tend to take the first damn step to every single problem/answer/solution.
But this time, I really hope you can take the first step, I really don't know what will happen, what will you say, but at least.. care.

or 's life just better without me.

a part of my heart and soul still wants you :S
Even if its a hug before I fly.

Today's a pretty good day, had a really long sleep till 12, went to swimming after lunch, with mr gwee. Then slacked till dinner came home, eat and now its 2am! Oh wells, what a life I'm leading right now /giggle.
Guess I need to really start working on my ironing skills to get myself ready for Australia!

There will be a sudden call to hongkong this week, i think? Hope I don't kena on weekends and days when people ask me out.

I still want to meet as many people as I can before I fly!
Bring em joy and laughter before I fly!
Make this last few days in Singapore, a happy and worthwhile one!

Been busy clubbing and supper-ing my life away. Super unhealthy lifestyle that makes me sleep at 7am everyday, and recently im having insomnia, can't sleep at all. Damn. And I tend to sleep like 3-5hours and I cannot go back to sleep anymore.

Anyways, just doing a random blog post.
Am eating this korea seaweed my mom bought back from her december holiday trip.
Thinking back, when my NS friend bought seaweed back to share with us, i purposely kept afew, for my ex gf. Even eating seaweed reminds me of her. All those silly lil things I do for her, all those small lil things I do for her, just to see her smile. Guess it all came to naught.

Well but till today, I'm still trying to forget, put the past behind.

Buckle up!
Blast the music!
Lets party and move on towards the future!!

If you're blinded by friends that supports you blindly.
Then you'll get blinded and influenced by their words and not look at things in a bigger picture.
They'll say things and miss out some points and make it totally logically my fault and when you try to defend saying about the past, they'll tell you things like, the past is the past, don't even look back because they're worthless when everything starts from scratch, from the day we started, that is the past, the base that build up a strong relationship till ..
Who knows,
Maybe they've been through much more than me, but I definitely have a clearer picture to what is happening.

But regardless..

Whatever I've done, even if you don't appreciate it in the least, all the bad and good stuffs and stuffs that're good and you deem it bad because you're blinded to a certain extent..
I'll still love you, and my doors will always be opened for you.

I've never ever regretted loving you and everything I do is always for you.. you always come first in my heart.

P.S. theres still alot alot alot of things I want to show/tell you, but you already deem it past and you don't want to see me ever again. Sigh :(

I've done it, I've tried, but you're blinded by anger and hatred.
You never calm yourself down and look at things in a simpler form.
I never calm myself and keep being so rash and impatient.

Guess we're both never meant to be. If you're together with that person right now, I wish you 2 all the best. It's kinda demoralizing to know, my first got stolen by my previously best friend, and now my second, got stolen by a female? Totally wtf, but if that makes your life feels better, and if you ever read this..

I was like this, from the start, I go the extra mile, and I go to the extreme to always do things for you. But when you went to the extreme to break up with me when I'm alone at Canada, I can only try back the same way, to come back and mend this thing, but at first there was no logical reason, just a love faded and you want to be single and not controlled.

As I said, if it's true you're with another girl right now. I hope you made the right decision and have a great life ahead.

To : The girl whom I put my entire effort into doting and planning for both of our future, and failed because of a reason, only she knows, and I never ever, get enlighten.

Suddenly when the flashbacks occurs while I was bathing.
It brought back to that day when I first met her, that very talkative girl, whom keeps asking for discounts with another girl. I noticed that thing on her lips immediately, and heard so it was her birthmark. The way she smile was always very cute, and I got attracted to it almost immediately.

The few dates I had with her, at jurong point and I forgot where. The movie , Night at the museum 2, was what started the dumb dumb.
Suddenly that surge of ' heartache ' just ran through me again. Was it really dragonboat that brought us our r/s, and dragonboat that pour it away.

I shower, i ponder, i wonder.
Is it really me, that just ain't good enough to start off with..

We see the rich and famous hit the news, the front pages, the online sites.
Many nameless try their luck, either they end up back to a normal lifestyle, rebound back to square one and start trying their luck again, or just make a hit, for awhile and dies down.

Being rich and famous, is it really important?

For me, I see people chosen to act from young, and become rich and famous in e end.
I want to know how they feel, the whole process of their life to be like that.
I'm interested in knowing how they see things in life, to those whom're successful and earning billions as the second ticks by.

Suddenly, I wanna be one of em, I want to be at the high end. I know, there're rules in every section, even the ones whom have money and power, have to abide some rules to get on by.

But still, I want to be one of them. I want to explore out, try every single thing ( not those harmful ones like drugs and such ), and even if it takes me half my life, I'm gonna keep trying.

Thats my new resolution, it's gonna be a long term thing, but I will make it work out!!
E.W. really made me sort things out. Alright time to 'drive'~!!

If I say, I'll open my doors and always allow you to come back..
will you make the first move and initiate?

Your life used to be my responsibility.
Your life used to be more important than mine.
Your future, is my future.
My life, 've already been long sold to you, to ensure that smile forever.

But now you dump it back on me.
And I need some time to recover.
I respect, I try to mitigate all the pain to be able to perservere, endure your wishes.
But I needed a cure to this pain, and you're the cure and the pain.
We tried talking, I made a mistake and end up gone from your list of friends.
I still try, to concern, lesser and lesser as the days goes by. You cannot expect me to straight away cut off every connection away from you. I too need time to slowly fade my feelings and needs for you.

But..

You suffocate me and ignore every bit of me. I feel uneasy, when you don't reply, or reply in a way you don't want to reply, and use school and busy as an excuse. Because I'm not even worth 1 minute of your life, to reply a text, even when you have so much time to text when you're on your way home. If you respect me.. you should at least.. and not make me suffocate like that, or my needs were never important to you...

I've done what I've needed to do.
Pouring my sorrows and stuffs.
Although I never wanted you to change your impression of me. Desperation and not being in the right mind just caused all these madness.

But at least I know, I think you've changed your thoughts from ' hurting me and feeling the guilt ', to ' forgiving me because of my moments of folly '.
I hope things for you will recover asap for you, and forgiving a person is normally easier for one to move on with life, than waiting to be forgiven.Your happiness is always going to be my priority, although I must do things my weird ways and sometimes causing alot more problems than solutions, but I hope I did the right thing and you can live your life more happy than the period when you still had the impression of ' hurting a nice guy '.I will really miss you, if fate permits, I want to be with you again.
I hope my life would be smoother from now, 3:44AM SGT 24/10/2010.
I'm sorry once again, to want things to go my way if it caused you alot of trouble because I didn't think right before deciding what to do.

I'd rather make you hate me..
Than to not be able to talk to you at all..
help me somebody.. please.

If only..

But I know snatching you back now will not bring any good.

So I've to let you go.

It pains me to this great extent, but I guess I've to get used to it.

Time to move on Andy Low Guo Hao.
I never regretted loving you, and will still do, if you're willing to.

My fire, still burning till..


Yes, it's a old style of BBQ-ing. Used logs and paper to maintain the fire. And ate the hot dogs with so much soot and ash on it O_O
Now my throat hurts and I feel like I'm being poisoned already. Have been drinking like 2litres of water already and feeling slightly feverish, but oh wells.
That's my day today, nothing much. I stared at the fire, as it reveals all the sad and happy times, oh how I wish that time can still turn back. Even now thinking of who is gonna pick me up / send me off at the airport makes me sad. Sigh.

I envy some of my friends whom completed LDR.
Jinkai if you ever read this, I damn envy you sia, you waited 4 years O_O

OKAY NO MORE EMOTIONAL POSTS!

Time to pokemon hehe :D
if pretense can make you happy, I glady do so.

My days are like,

looking at the phone..
looking outside the glass doors..
holding my phone wherever I go waiting for your replies and calls..
being all alone, as time slowly ticks by..

You are my comfort and my pain.
My only comfort.
And I know persistently looking for you, will piss you off. But I can't help it.
Your short replies makes me sad, your tone towards me makes me sad.

I should stop being emotional and start moving on so you can lead a happier life.
But there're just so many doubts in me. Which only you have the answers.

-Andy Asshole-

The flowers wither, as winter comes by..
My heart crumbles, as you say goodbye..

Happiness is such a shortlived thing.
Happiness is to give others happiness.
Giving is to not expect returns.
Showing a fake front, is to make her feel pleasant.
Being fake, defeats my principles.
Being honest, will carve yet another scar into her.
Separation, is a sad thing.
But her happiness is the main thing.

Because, my happiness doesn't mean a thing.
Being a friend, is as good as being nothing to you.
My life used to revolve all around you.
Now I can't do the same anymore,
because I am no longer part of you.

Scold you, hate you to make you feel better,
and at the end of the day I get neither,
neither love nor happiness.

I end up a pitiful soul over here,
To only weep infront of my monitor.

Leaning on friends, is a remedy to sadness,
leaning all the four walls in my room is my cure.
My mood blends with the weather,
which only means I'll slowly wither.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been through such things called relationship. I fret, think, analyze and conclude.
That a momentary separation, will lead to complete separation.
Because once you get used to that freedom, you'll find me no longer of interest.
I didn't drag you down nor tie you down, just to hear you feel that way.
I know that you being tired is an excuse, but I've nothing left to say.
You already made your choice, you're young and I'm old.
You have alot more opportunities out there, far better guys than me for you.
I've not much time, I thought of starting one that could last, to end up in demise.
But you need not feel bad, because this is fate.
But I will feel sad, because I got fooled by fate.
If time can return, I will choose back to study in Singapore.
You claimed that we won't end up like this if I'm in Singapore, but you feeling tied down and wanting a separation. I believe it'll end up the same.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Like a raft I'll slowly drift,
further and further away as you push me away from you.
I feel that you still love me,
but you're throwing me away because I can't be there for you.

I am condemned once more.

and I hate my life.

-Andy Asshole-

I bleed my heart out on this paper, for you.

No more cats and dogs, no more you and me.
All your defensive barriers just return back to normal like the first 2 weeks.
And now I'm back to you, blog. Remember I always come back and blog when I'm alone?
Yes, so now I'm back, and thats the reason too why I don't blog.

Because a girlfriend to me,

Is a blog.

I tell them my daily story, I tell them my daily life and what happened in full details.
When I'm tired, I cut short the details, when I feel like it, I can say a whole chunk of it.
I used to be able to do that, go home, feel some love from her daily email to keep me going.
Or even a daily message to the phone can keep me moving on.

But my battery died immediately, when she left my world.
My world seem so small now, yet I have to move on because I can neither move forward nor backwards.

Alright I'll end it here, I guess I just have to continue fighting on. Yes life suck without you, I don't know if you'd feel the same, because you'll never tell me or hint.

But,

FOR YOUR HAPPINESS,

I guess I'll have to move on.

Alright last day of exams, wish me luck!

-Andy Asshole-
SGT 10:42PM 20/10/2010.

My life - 19/10/2010 ( Singapore ) 10:57AM.

Right now, over here at Winnipeg, around henderson's, live a 179.5m chinese boy. He's having a physics test tmr, exam rather and he'd rather spend the time blogging than studying.

He's a very emotional guy, if you know his life, maybe you'll shed a tear for his pathetic 21 years of crap he went through. Especially in relationships. The first was a 7year crush which he never ever told the girl that he likes her, only till the day his friends saw that girl dating another guy, holding hands.
Inbetween this 7 years, especiall at the 4th year, he tried to love other girls but often when he reaches somewhere somehow, even a month into this other r/s, he completely destroys it because he is utterly foolish and long to believe that she'll be his one fine day.

After that devastating impact hit him so hard, the chain of unfortunate events never cease to die down. His beloved grandfather passed away. He didn't make it in his academic studies, he lost his dragonboat race, or did he won? 3rd placing against 4 teams which he was never proud of that medal at all. That was never a victory to him at all. He quarrelled with his dad to hear his dad's really really saddening story of what his dad actually wants from his father, a.k.a my grandfather. They quarrelled on the highway, when his dad stopped the car in the middle lanes.
His dad called his friends - in chinese - zhu peng gou you. But these friends were his only best friends, right from the end of high school life. Calling them that destroyed a certain part of him really badly. I'd like to go into details but I think we should just move on. Btw, those friends are really good friends of mine, even until today, even if each of us have to lead our own life, the times we had together will never be forgotten. We might even meet up till we're old HAHA<-- okay that's the first laughter for this entire serious blogging session.

Then after, at the 7th year, he got together with this girl, whom he vowed to takecare of, dote on, love her as much as possible. They had a great time together, or should I say, maybe only I had a great time? because at the end of the day, nothing was shared between the couple, nothing much, because all of her thoughts and laughter were only generated by his best friend. A.K.A her god-brother. They spend so much happy times together, they as in she and his best friend. His best friend even showed him what kind of conversation they had, but covering the other parts of the conversation, just to show some particular words she had converse with him.
In the end, he fall out with this best friend, and the best friend never realized his mistake. The bestfriend said he's always trying to help me and stuffs. Not even a single word of apology ever came by. Either he's too proud of himself and can't bow down and apologize, or he's just pathetic.

Then after, bit by bit, he lost all that friends he have. He took so much effort into carving a friendship with all these people, to find that they're actually hypocrites or lowdown-society creatures. They can only say, what's happen has happen and still not apologize about it. Afew did, actually maybe only 1, and some others actually realize their mistakes after a year or 2?
The rest continue to live in denial and so fuck all of you?
But theres one neutral friend, that was with his clique as that best friend. Just a small clique of 3, he's actually still there. I mean he's always there, nice guy and a friend worthy to cherish but if YOU ever read this, stop spamming ' I love you ', ' I miss you '.

After the breakup, she got together with his bestfriend. Ironic isn't it. God-siblings ties and slowly turn out to be couple-ship. Kind of a good joke to me I guess? But yes, I don't mean to be offensive, I do abit though, but if one reads this 10 years down the road, he may attain some enlightenment and laugh about this piece of joke deed he or she did.

Then he, aka me, moved on, performed an operation for his right leg. He tore his ligament while playing basketball for fun, and you know what, your legs can only go back and forth right? His went 90degrees to the right and twisted back itself. Everyone at the basketball court witnessed it. His secondary school clique, a.k.a his best friends saw it, some of them even help him to do a calve stretch when you know, my ligament's already torn and it hurt like crap.

This is how, he gained, from 72kg, to 80kg throughout this entire 1 and the half years of no-exercise or light exercise.
He then took over this post of assistant coach of ITE West, his former team. His coach, former coach, still his coach now, already 4 years plus but still, once my coach, always my coach ( If he deserves my respect ). But yes, this coach of mine, likes to play with words, he loves mental warfare at times. We argue alot, we quarrel abit, he scold me for alot of things, he brought me into this team and told me to coach all these new students. Be it him using me to lighten his burden or be it him actually wanting me to learn something from this ' coaching ' thingy. Really, I learnt alot alot. NS did make me somewhat a 'man', but Mr.Lim taught me more, much much more. As a coach, maybe punctuality isn't that important, but presence is very important. IF YOU want to coach, you'd better be ready to burn your offs and be ready to sacrifice any and every single thing you have for the team. If not, YOU, don't bother.

Every single scream, every single action-reaction I've ever had, every droplet of sweat that drips onto the floor, every bit of teardrop, everything still inscripts in my heart, so deep so deep into my heart.

Alright next~ , proceeding, then he met this girl, this girl whom didn't have much luck in her previous romance, what I'm trying to say is she being single, that's all. There were alot of other hot girls, but he only want this girl, regardless of her background and whatsoever. It was really a great pick, they had many happy times, together, although I always try my best to make her day happy, give my best to make sure she ain't disappointed at the end of the day because he knows that, if his loved one is happy, how much suffering he have to endure, is nothing at the end of the day after see-ing her face filled with happiness and laughter.
He too always asked if she had a great day, just to assure himself, that he did a great job because a perfectionist is what he prefer to be, but if perfection can't be attained, he will want to achieve that goal as close as possible to perfection. But all in all, he just wants her to be happy, in every single way, in every single thing.

She did everything possbile too, to make him happy. For example his birthday. He never celebrated his birthday after the age of 8 due to his grandmother's death and some misunderstandings which then lead to his, don't-like-to-celebrate-birthday, attitude.
The next birthday celebration he had, was at the age of 16, a small little piece of cake he got from his friend's leftovers at his friend's house. It was heart warming you know, at wy's house with kenneth shawn and i think yongxian zhenwei lawrence? I think so. Then the following celebrations 's always held in this particular chinese cuisine restaurant at westmall, nothing special, but every birthday, he just eats with his mom and brother, and leaves the place by himself and wander home by himself even though his mum wants to buy a cake for him, walk around with him, or cab home with him. The years go by and things just went numb till his birthday last year. When his gf planned a birthday celebration for him. It was really, surprising, but he's stuck in that hell-hole for too long a time, he don't know what and how to react when someone hosts a birthday party for him. He was at a loss of words, honestly, he really don't know what to say but that day was still training so we proceeded on with trainings.
Oh at 2008, the alumni boys, bought a cake for me too, it was quite touching too, with wangjie, yan an, john, zhenwei, chunyew, kengsiang, jasper?, jason, xiaopang, cheekang and some other guys. I wouldn't forget that.
But 2009 was the year he started really 'warming up' to this birthday celebration thingy.
Then 2010, even though it was his 21st birthday, which supposedly should be a big big celebration, taking pictures with everyone at a clubhouse or something like that. He just went to MBS, with his beloved girlfriend and ate at this international buffet called ' The Rise'.
The ambience was good, although the food's just decent but, he really enjoyed it alot alot alot. Just having a meal with his girlfriend for his 21st birthday really can blow him off his feet and he's really satisfied that day. And things were so fine,then 3 days later, he flew to canada to study.

Thing went fine, even till the first month he settled in Canada to further his studies. Adding today, is his number 509 day, from the day they got together.

And now this crap, giving my all, mother wants me to study abroad = this current crap now.
I believe even if it's australia or perth or even malaysia, it won't make any difference. My commitment level for this r/s did fluctuate, but I always crawl back up, asap to make up for everything. And now, everything is falling back onto me again, I FUCKING HATE TO RESTART, I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT, I'VE FALLEN SO DEEP BEFORE AND CLIMBED BACK OUT AND NOW, IVE TO FALL BACK INTO THIS SHIT? I'M NOW HANGING ONTO THIS BAR, AND I NEED YOUR HAND TO PULL ME UP, not the hand of sympathy, but the hand of love, but if you're not willing to, because your happiness is what you think it's like..

Then I'd gladly fall back into this abyss, with all the cuts and broken bones as my scars which will heal over time. They will not fade away, they will be permanent. But I know if you're happy, I'm happy. I'll climb up once again and unfold a new chapter of my life.

I hope you come up with a decision soon to stop my mental torture, regardless how well train I am in this section, how strong my past made me to be like today, it's still a torture to go through all of this crap.

Thats that.

Here goes nothing..

The strong, will keep fighting to maintain at the peak.
The strong actually feels comfortable at the peak so he does not want to come back down and live the life of the weak.
The weak on the other hand, is trying hard, to climb up to the peak, to get what the strongs are experiencing.
The weak, craves and envy what the strongs are enjoying, and am curious, how does it feels like to be at the peak.
And those whom hungers for the peak badly, will try means and ways to get their way up.
But there'll be a bunch of people stuck at wherever they start off with, not trying hard to maintain at their current situation, regardless it's going up or down.
They're the 'contented'.
The contented ones are people whom either, fought really hard for their life, or faced many different tragedies in their life and decided to see life in a different way. A way of not competiting much, but rather be happy with what they have. Greed, fame, fortune just doesn't seem that important to them at all. Because they find, peace, happiness within contentment.
I myself have half of each, I'm still young, I have goals, I have dreams I want to pursue but I know for sure, what you reap in life 's not always what you sowed.
An example from me would be like, one works really hard for his dragonboat team, he rather be the 'bad' person, and 'screw' everyone in the team. Everyone in the team understands and work really hard with him. But at the end of the day, they didn't win at all. So he sowed that many efforts in training to get full disicpline to train hard , why didnt he reap the award as the champion?
From my point of view, I think he reaped alot of valuable stuffs. For example, he earn friends, friends that can go through thick and thin,can understand him and his efforts, friends that 50 years down the road, would still be called friends, to ask each and everyone out to sit at the coffeeshop and joke and talk about the good old days. He earn this heartwarming feeling. I know, you'd say, one can get this feel when they win the championship as well. Yes, but right now, I'm talking about contentment.
Those whom succeed in their life, its because they put in much more effort than you, they start at young age and have more advantage than you, they're born with a headstart because they're talented and, they're destined to succeed. It just means that your time isn't ripe yet.
I believe that each and everyone will have their fair share to shine. Whether in a big stage, or a small one. Everyone's born to succeed in something, regardless it's a big or small thing. Comparing too much in life, brings much misery because the ones whom always want to climb up that high, even with their lack of ability, keeps trying to no avail. And then they start to feel negative and feels the world's utterly unfair to em when they've never thought, they just aren't the ones chosen for that stage.
My say and solution to this, is to work hard, get the most basic contentment which is your family, make sure they do not suffer, so that your son or daughter will have their chance, their chance to try and succeed in their own stage.

So I'm very thankful to my mum and dad, even though they suffered so much, they're willing to give me, not a chance, but many chances to succeed. Regardless of my destroyed pilot dream thanks to my colourblindness, the lack of chance to ever step into the kitchen to do much cooking cause I always wanted to be a good chef too. They still provide me a chance to succeed, somewhere somehow.

I know, I will succeed, thanks to their never-ending support. I've lost too much, be it time, be it money or friends or any other things. I don't care, whether if its my dignity nor pride, I don't care how other people see me as ' why the fuck is a 21 year old doing in a high school '. I don't care whether if I'm a ITE graduate, rather I'm thankful I'm a ITE graduate.

Because I know, as a grad from ITE, I'm the lowest form of being, I'm someone no one respects in both education and sports, but fret not..
IM GONNA FUCKING PROVE THIS WRONG, I'LL SHOW THE WORLD THAT I'LL SUCCEED. I'LL TURN THE NORTH AND SOUTH POLES ARD, I'LL DISTORT EVERY SINGLE ' FACT ' THAT IS PROVEN.

> THIS IS TO MY ITE BOYS, DISTORT THE FACTS, SHOW EM THAT ITE IS ON EQUAL TERMS TO POLYTECHNICS OR UNIVERSITIES IN SPORTS, SHOW EM THAT ITE BLOOD THAT FLOWS IN YOU, SHOW EM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF.
THIS IS A WAR YOU CANNOT LOSE ANYMORE, YOU'VE NOTHING TO PROTECT.

YOU!

ARE GONNA GO THE FRONTLINES AND RIP THEM ALL APART BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO.

GO!

"This post's to everyone, to myself to my DBboys, to my girlfriend, to everyone whom reads my blog and find what I say interesting/reasonable."