Recently, my family and I have been on the rocks.
Like its worst than neat alcohol. The taste, the bumpiness, the relations, the love among us.
It is like I've been ostracized by them, with a bond that has to be kept hanging because I am their son/brother.
I've been working, but this is my god damn holiday, I've been trying to learn as much as I can whenever I go to my dad's factory. I'm there to fucking learn, not to be some ka kia of those workers. So when my dad isn't around, I don't wanna go there and waste a day away.
Why would I not understand a day of a person who earns less than what he has to pay to come over to from another country to work.
Why would I not understand how tough this kind of coolies lifestyle is?
My dad said, he'll let me start not from the bottom, but somewhere around the mid range.
Honestly? I don't give a fuck about that.
All I give a fuck is abit more general, it is to live a life as a happy family together. Money, we can try and do our best, future work politics and harsh environment, I'll learn that as time goes by.
All this time, when my brother was born, and I started plunging in studies, I've not been the apple of my parent's eyes. Yes they are worried for me, worried for my studies, my future. Ya, but that is all they are worried about. The things they do for me, are all for my sake, and it is their responsibilities. They can state it in a way or two where they can don't give a flying fuck about me and leave me to rot and die somewhere. But they're not heartless, and I'm still their son and thus they're doing all of these. So whatever fucking shit you want to tell me in the near future, it is because YOU TWO FUCKING HAVE TO, NOT BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH TO THE POINT YOU CAN FORGET THAT I'M YOUR FUCKING SON.
HAVE I EVER FUCKING TRIED?! From YISS, I've never tried to mend this family bond between us, all I do is play and enjoy my own life. From ITE, we fought and many conflicts surfaced and I felt like my dragonboat was more important than my own family, because my own family doesn't give a flying fuck about what I do outside, sports or games or whatever activities that can make me feel like I'm good at something.
Practical people, as long as your studies ain't good, your future won't be bright and doing all of these unnecessary things will just ruin your future.
You 2 did well, I swear, cause I believe that too. I totally believe that sports, games, any other things unrelated to work and future, ain't important because they don't give you a bright future unless you can earn big bucks out of it.
Money, is so god damn important.
Future is so damn important. I can do the talk, I just don't want to walk that talk now. Or rather, I actually am walking it, just slowly and taking my time and when I say, " taking my time " , it's my own bloody sweet time.
I am not like your other son, went into a good secondary school, went into a JC, went into NUS COMP SCI.
I'm not the kid you want to fucking drive all the way everywhere around Singapore to give him the ultimate comfort he can ever achieve.
I am not the perfect child you guys ever wanted. I'm the night life, hang out with stupid friends which you guys deem having a stupid and bleak future ahead of them.
I am always the one y'all ask, " eh can you go by yourself? , ah pa is damn tired from work ".
I am always the one that voluntarily want my own dad, who is slogging his life for this family, to get the maximum amount of rest he can acquire a day so that he can continue his life after what I've seen when ahpa went into the hospital because of .. fatigue most probably.
But I am the one, always put down by you guys cause all I've done is unnecessary.
AND FYI, you cry when you say all mothers give birth to children, why did I give birth to someone like this.
Thanks, you hurt my feelings the most when you say that.
I swear I've never been this hurt before by my own family members.
I got medals from swimming and dragonboat, I've never heard you praise me also, base on the hardwork and time I put into these activities. You've never come down and supported me in my competitions also. Maybe you've never respected my interests. Y'all always think that what I do, is damn bloody stupid and a waste of time.
But I've never blamed you guys, I just slowly drift away and become more independent on the feelings and emotions side.
And the way y'all psycho my one and only blood brother.
I honestly thought I still have him in the family which I can confide and feel like I still have a family.
But guess what, I don't.
He may be tired just now and all. I knew he was tired but my 6th sense tells me that y'all have already brainwashed him enough to the point where he despise me to a certain extent already.
My brother too, I could never hang out w him and do things with him, like every other siblings.
Maybe you two have already psycho-ed him enough where he really doesn't like to do things with me.
He even called me stubborn when I wanted to help him cure his abrasion and brought him lotion and insisted that he apply.
Thanks mom and pops. If all that little talk y'all always have when I am not around you guys had a bit of me inside, had a bit of brushing me down inside, thanks, you might also have caused a border between me and my brother.
It is still an assumption, but I think I ain't thinking too much.
I'm just a ghost living in this family because of the roots I had.
Other than that, I'm just another useless human being that brings fines, summons, big bills to torture this family.
I'll shut this up somewhere and be happy go lucky once again.
I'll let y'all think that I give no fuck about my future, the world, and everyone else and just want to have fun. All because I've been doing this since long long time ago.
