I've always been into a fix these few months, half a year in fact or more.
Even since I went into NS, I've been thinking of what are the prospect of my career in the future.

I had afew ambitions, which were all destroyed thank to ' you know what '
I have alot of things I cannot just be cruel and let go of it, some of it took years to build up even.
Yesterday night I talked to my dad about it, he gave me a new route towards my future.
Should I take it up or not 's up to me and that decision will affect my future already.

But one thing for sure, during this part of my life, I've learnt something. I've learnt that one, must be hard hearted sometimes and most importantly, to never reveal that vulnerable side of one. It makes you feel so empty and retarded, 'naked' even.

I really want a good life ahead for my family in the future, especially a beautiful house and a above average lifestyle. Just that this route opened for me from my dad 's really gonna be a stressful one.

I'm afraid,
afraid that I can't take the stress.
afraid that I'll screw up his 20-30years business.
afraid that I will not have a happy family cause my dad's business is really close to 24/7 at the factory and keep flying overseas to work.
afraid that if I really pick this route, I'll lose that 'monkey' due to time overspent on career cause of imbalanced lifestyle because a guy.. have to really carve out a stable career before working on the rest of his life.
and afraid.. that whether she's ready for me or not, elaboration's not needed i guess.

Because, I've already screwed up umpteen times in life, I know, setbacks are there for you to make you stronger and blah, but, I had enough of all these, I just want one thing, perfect smooth sailing in life, no more big screw ups that can just throw away my entire faith and hope and make me feel so helpless again like before.

Fuck, now theres a sudden surge within me, I WANNA DO MY THINGS WELL!