Buckle up!
Blast the music!
Lets party and move on towards the future!!

If you're blinded by friends that supports you blindly.
Then you'll get blinded and influenced by their words and not look at things in a bigger picture.
They'll say things and miss out some points and make it totally logically my fault and when you try to defend saying about the past, they'll tell you things like, the past is the past, don't even look back because they're worthless when everything starts from scratch, from the day we started, that is the past, the base that build up a strong relationship till ..
Who knows,
Maybe they've been through much more than me, but I definitely have a clearer picture to what is happening.

But regardless..

Whatever I've done, even if you don't appreciate it in the least, all the bad and good stuffs and stuffs that're good and you deem it bad because you're blinded to a certain extent..
I'll still love you, and my doors will always be opened for you.

I've never ever regretted loving you and everything I do is always for you.. you always come first in my heart.

P.S. theres still alot alot alot of things I want to show/tell you, but you already deem it past and you don't want to see me ever again. Sigh :(

I've done it, I've tried, but you're blinded by anger and hatred.
You never calm yourself down and look at things in a simpler form.
I never calm myself and keep being so rash and impatient.

Guess we're both never meant to be. If you're together with that person right now, I wish you 2 all the best. It's kinda demoralizing to know, my first got stolen by my previously best friend, and now my second, got stolen by a female? Totally wtf, but if that makes your life feels better, and if you ever read this..

I was like this, from the start, I go the extra mile, and I go to the extreme to always do things for you. But when you went to the extreme to break up with me when I'm alone at Canada, I can only try back the same way, to come back and mend this thing, but at first there was no logical reason, just a love faded and you want to be single and not controlled.

As I said, if it's true you're with another girl right now. I hope you made the right decision and have a great life ahead.

To : The girl whom I put my entire effort into doting and planning for both of our future, and failed because of a reason, only she knows, and I never ever, get enlighten.

Suddenly when the flashbacks occurs while I was bathing.
It brought back to that day when I first met her, that very talkative girl, whom keeps asking for discounts with another girl. I noticed that thing on her lips immediately, and heard so it was her birthmark. The way she smile was always very cute, and I got attracted to it almost immediately.

The few dates I had with her, at jurong point and I forgot where. The movie , Night at the museum 2, was what started the dumb dumb.
Suddenly that surge of ' heartache ' just ran through me again. Was it really dragonboat that brought us our r/s, and dragonboat that pour it away.

I shower, i ponder, i wonder.
Is it really me, that just ain't good enough to start off with..

We see the rich and famous hit the news, the front pages, the online sites.
Many nameless try their luck, either they end up back to a normal lifestyle, rebound back to square one and start trying their luck again, or just make a hit, for awhile and dies down.

Being rich and famous, is it really important?

For me, I see people chosen to act from young, and become rich and famous in e end.
I want to know how they feel, the whole process of their life to be like that.
I'm interested in knowing how they see things in life, to those whom're successful and earning billions as the second ticks by.

Suddenly, I wanna be one of em, I want to be at the high end. I know, there're rules in every section, even the ones whom have money and power, have to abide some rules to get on by.

But still, I want to be one of them. I want to explore out, try every single thing ( not those harmful ones like drugs and such ), and even if it takes me half my life, I'm gonna keep trying.

Thats my new resolution, it's gonna be a long term thing, but I will make it work out!!
E.W. really made me sort things out. Alright time to 'drive'~!!

If I say, I'll open my doors and always allow you to come back..
will you make the first move and initiate?

Your life used to be my responsibility.
Your life used to be more important than mine.
Your future, is my future.
My life, 've already been long sold to you, to ensure that smile forever.

But now you dump it back on me.
And I need some time to recover.
I respect, I try to mitigate all the pain to be able to perservere, endure your wishes.
But I needed a cure to this pain, and you're the cure and the pain.
We tried talking, I made a mistake and end up gone from your list of friends.
I still try, to concern, lesser and lesser as the days goes by. You cannot expect me to straight away cut off every connection away from you. I too need time to slowly fade my feelings and needs for you.

But..

You suffocate me and ignore every bit of me. I feel uneasy, when you don't reply, or reply in a way you don't want to reply, and use school and busy as an excuse. Because I'm not even worth 1 minute of your life, to reply a text, even when you have so much time to text when you're on your way home. If you respect me.. you should at least.. and not make me suffocate like that, or my needs were never important to you...

I've done what I've needed to do.
Pouring my sorrows and stuffs.
Although I never wanted you to change your impression of me. Desperation and not being in the right mind just caused all these madness.

But at least I know, I think you've changed your thoughts from ' hurting me and feeling the guilt ', to ' forgiving me because of my moments of folly '.
I hope things for you will recover asap for you, and forgiving a person is normally easier for one to move on with life, than waiting to be forgiven.Your happiness is always going to be my priority, although I must do things my weird ways and sometimes causing alot more problems than solutions, but I hope I did the right thing and you can live your life more happy than the period when you still had the impression of ' hurting a nice guy '.I will really miss you, if fate permits, I want to be with you again.
I hope my life would be smoother from now, 3:44AM SGT 24/10/2010.
I'm sorry once again, to want things to go my way if it caused you alot of trouble because I didn't think right before deciding what to do.

I'd rather make you hate me..
Than to not be able to talk to you at all..
help me somebody.. please.

If only..

But I know snatching you back now will not bring any good.

So I've to let you go.

It pains me to this great extent, but I guess I've to get used to it.

Time to move on Andy Low Guo Hao.
I never regretted loving you, and will still do, if you're willing to.

My fire, still burning till..


Yes, it's a old style of BBQ-ing. Used logs and paper to maintain the fire. And ate the hot dogs with so much soot and ash on it O_O
Now my throat hurts and I feel like I'm being poisoned already. Have been drinking like 2litres of water already and feeling slightly feverish, but oh wells.
That's my day today, nothing much. I stared at the fire, as it reveals all the sad and happy times, oh how I wish that time can still turn back. Even now thinking of who is gonna pick me up / send me off at the airport makes me sad. Sigh.

I envy some of my friends whom completed LDR.
Jinkai if you ever read this, I damn envy you sia, you waited 4 years O_O

OKAY NO MORE EMOTIONAL POSTS!

Time to pokemon hehe :D
if pretense can make you happy, I glady do so.

My days are like,

looking at the phone..
looking outside the glass doors..
holding my phone wherever I go waiting for your replies and calls..
being all alone, as time slowly ticks by..

You are my comfort and my pain.
My only comfort.
And I know persistently looking for you, will piss you off. But I can't help it.
Your short replies makes me sad, your tone towards me makes me sad.

I should stop being emotional and start moving on so you can lead a happier life.
But there're just so many doubts in me. Which only you have the answers.

-Andy Asshole-

The flowers wither, as winter comes by..
My heart crumbles, as you say goodbye..

Happiness is such a shortlived thing.
Happiness is to give others happiness.
Giving is to not expect returns.
Showing a fake front, is to make her feel pleasant.
Being fake, defeats my principles.
Being honest, will carve yet another scar into her.
Separation, is a sad thing.
But her happiness is the main thing.

Because, my happiness doesn't mean a thing.
Being a friend, is as good as being nothing to you.
My life used to revolve all around you.
Now I can't do the same anymore,
because I am no longer part of you.

Scold you, hate you to make you feel better,
and at the end of the day I get neither,
neither love nor happiness.

I end up a pitiful soul over here,
To only weep infront of my monitor.

Leaning on friends, is a remedy to sadness,
leaning all the four walls in my room is my cure.
My mood blends with the weather,
which only means I'll slowly wither.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been through such things called relationship. I fret, think, analyze and conclude.
That a momentary separation, will lead to complete separation.
Because once you get used to that freedom, you'll find me no longer of interest.
I didn't drag you down nor tie you down, just to hear you feel that way.
I know that you being tired is an excuse, but I've nothing left to say.
You already made your choice, you're young and I'm old.
You have alot more opportunities out there, far better guys than me for you.
I've not much time, I thought of starting one that could last, to end up in demise.
But you need not feel bad, because this is fate.
But I will feel sad, because I got fooled by fate.
If time can return, I will choose back to study in Singapore.
You claimed that we won't end up like this if I'm in Singapore, but you feeling tied down and wanting a separation. I believe it'll end up the same.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Like a raft I'll slowly drift,
further and further away as you push me away from you.
I feel that you still love me,
but you're throwing me away because I can't be there for you.

I am condemned once more.

and I hate my life.

-Andy Asshole-

I bleed my heart out on this paper, for you.

No more cats and dogs, no more you and me.
All your defensive barriers just return back to normal like the first 2 weeks.
And now I'm back to you, blog. Remember I always come back and blog when I'm alone?
Yes, so now I'm back, and thats the reason too why I don't blog.

Because a girlfriend to me,

Is a blog.

I tell them my daily story, I tell them my daily life and what happened in full details.
When I'm tired, I cut short the details, when I feel like it, I can say a whole chunk of it.
I used to be able to do that, go home, feel some love from her daily email to keep me going.
Or even a daily message to the phone can keep me moving on.

But my battery died immediately, when she left my world.
My world seem so small now, yet I have to move on because I can neither move forward nor backwards.

Alright I'll end it here, I guess I just have to continue fighting on. Yes life suck without you, I don't know if you'd feel the same, because you'll never tell me or hint.

But,

FOR YOUR HAPPINESS,

I guess I'll have to move on.

Alright last day of exams, wish me luck!

-Andy Asshole-
SGT 10:42PM 20/10/2010.

My life - 19/10/2010 ( Singapore ) 10:57AM.

Right now, over here at Winnipeg, around henderson's, live a 179.5m chinese boy. He's having a physics test tmr, exam rather and he'd rather spend the time blogging than studying.

He's a very emotional guy, if you know his life, maybe you'll shed a tear for his pathetic 21 years of crap he went through. Especially in relationships. The first was a 7year crush which he never ever told the girl that he likes her, only till the day his friends saw that girl dating another guy, holding hands.
Inbetween this 7 years, especiall at the 4th year, he tried to love other girls but often when he reaches somewhere somehow, even a month into this other r/s, he completely destroys it because he is utterly foolish and long to believe that she'll be his one fine day.

After that devastating impact hit him so hard, the chain of unfortunate events never cease to die down. His beloved grandfather passed away. He didn't make it in his academic studies, he lost his dragonboat race, or did he won? 3rd placing against 4 teams which he was never proud of that medal at all. That was never a victory to him at all. He quarrelled with his dad to hear his dad's really really saddening story of what his dad actually wants from his father, a.k.a my grandfather. They quarrelled on the highway, when his dad stopped the car in the middle lanes.
His dad called his friends - in chinese - zhu peng gou you. But these friends were his only best friends, right from the end of high school life. Calling them that destroyed a certain part of him really badly. I'd like to go into details but I think we should just move on. Btw, those friends are really good friends of mine, even until today, even if each of us have to lead our own life, the times we had together will never be forgotten. We might even meet up till we're old HAHA<-- okay that's the first laughter for this entire serious blogging session.

Then after, at the 7th year, he got together with this girl, whom he vowed to takecare of, dote on, love her as much as possible. They had a great time together, or should I say, maybe only I had a great time? because at the end of the day, nothing was shared between the couple, nothing much, because all of her thoughts and laughter were only generated by his best friend. A.K.A her god-brother. They spend so much happy times together, they as in she and his best friend. His best friend even showed him what kind of conversation they had, but covering the other parts of the conversation, just to show some particular words she had converse with him.
In the end, he fall out with this best friend, and the best friend never realized his mistake. The bestfriend said he's always trying to help me and stuffs. Not even a single word of apology ever came by. Either he's too proud of himself and can't bow down and apologize, or he's just pathetic.

Then after, bit by bit, he lost all that friends he have. He took so much effort into carving a friendship with all these people, to find that they're actually hypocrites or lowdown-society creatures. They can only say, what's happen has happen and still not apologize about it. Afew did, actually maybe only 1, and some others actually realize their mistakes after a year or 2?
The rest continue to live in denial and so fuck all of you?
But theres one neutral friend, that was with his clique as that best friend. Just a small clique of 3, he's actually still there. I mean he's always there, nice guy and a friend worthy to cherish but if YOU ever read this, stop spamming ' I love you ', ' I miss you '.

After the breakup, she got together with his bestfriend. Ironic isn't it. God-siblings ties and slowly turn out to be couple-ship. Kind of a good joke to me I guess? But yes, I don't mean to be offensive, I do abit though, but if one reads this 10 years down the road, he may attain some enlightenment and laugh about this piece of joke deed he or she did.

Then he, aka me, moved on, performed an operation for his right leg. He tore his ligament while playing basketball for fun, and you know what, your legs can only go back and forth right? His went 90degrees to the right and twisted back itself. Everyone at the basketball court witnessed it. His secondary school clique, a.k.a his best friends saw it, some of them even help him to do a calve stretch when you know, my ligament's already torn and it hurt like crap.

This is how, he gained, from 72kg, to 80kg throughout this entire 1 and the half years of no-exercise or light exercise.
He then took over this post of assistant coach of ITE West, his former team. His coach, former coach, still his coach now, already 4 years plus but still, once my coach, always my coach ( If he deserves my respect ). But yes, this coach of mine, likes to play with words, he loves mental warfare at times. We argue alot, we quarrel abit, he scold me for alot of things, he brought me into this team and told me to coach all these new students. Be it him using me to lighten his burden or be it him actually wanting me to learn something from this ' coaching ' thingy. Really, I learnt alot alot. NS did make me somewhat a 'man', but Mr.Lim taught me more, much much more. As a coach, maybe punctuality isn't that important, but presence is very important. IF YOU want to coach, you'd better be ready to burn your offs and be ready to sacrifice any and every single thing you have for the team. If not, YOU, don't bother.

Every single scream, every single action-reaction I've ever had, every droplet of sweat that drips onto the floor, every bit of teardrop, everything still inscripts in my heart, so deep so deep into my heart.

Alright next~ , proceeding, then he met this girl, this girl whom didn't have much luck in her previous romance, what I'm trying to say is she being single, that's all. There were alot of other hot girls, but he only want this girl, regardless of her background and whatsoever. It was really a great pick, they had many happy times, together, although I always try my best to make her day happy, give my best to make sure she ain't disappointed at the end of the day because he knows that, if his loved one is happy, how much suffering he have to endure, is nothing at the end of the day after see-ing her face filled with happiness and laughter.
He too always asked if she had a great day, just to assure himself, that he did a great job because a perfectionist is what he prefer to be, but if perfection can't be attained, he will want to achieve that goal as close as possible to perfection. But all in all, he just wants her to be happy, in every single way, in every single thing.

She did everything possbile too, to make him happy. For example his birthday. He never celebrated his birthday after the age of 8 due to his grandmother's death and some misunderstandings which then lead to his, don't-like-to-celebrate-birthday, attitude.
The next birthday celebration he had, was at the age of 16, a small little piece of cake he got from his friend's leftovers at his friend's house. It was heart warming you know, at wy's house with kenneth shawn and i think yongxian zhenwei lawrence? I think so. Then the following celebrations 's always held in this particular chinese cuisine restaurant at westmall, nothing special, but every birthday, he just eats with his mom and brother, and leaves the place by himself and wander home by himself even though his mum wants to buy a cake for him, walk around with him, or cab home with him. The years go by and things just went numb till his birthday last year. When his gf planned a birthday celebration for him. It was really, surprising, but he's stuck in that hell-hole for too long a time, he don't know what and how to react when someone hosts a birthday party for him. He was at a loss of words, honestly, he really don't know what to say but that day was still training so we proceeded on with trainings.
Oh at 2008, the alumni boys, bought a cake for me too, it was quite touching too, with wangjie, yan an, john, zhenwei, chunyew, kengsiang, jasper?, jason, xiaopang, cheekang and some other guys. I wouldn't forget that.
But 2009 was the year he started really 'warming up' to this birthday celebration thingy.
Then 2010, even though it was his 21st birthday, which supposedly should be a big big celebration, taking pictures with everyone at a clubhouse or something like that. He just went to MBS, with his beloved girlfriend and ate at this international buffet called ' The Rise'.
The ambience was good, although the food's just decent but, he really enjoyed it alot alot alot. Just having a meal with his girlfriend for his 21st birthday really can blow him off his feet and he's really satisfied that day. And things were so fine,then 3 days later, he flew to canada to study.

Thing went fine, even till the first month he settled in Canada to further his studies. Adding today, is his number 509 day, from the day they got together.

And now this crap, giving my all, mother wants me to study abroad = this current crap now.
I believe even if it's australia or perth or even malaysia, it won't make any difference. My commitment level for this r/s did fluctuate, but I always crawl back up, asap to make up for everything. And now, everything is falling back onto me again, I FUCKING HATE TO RESTART, I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT, I'VE FALLEN SO DEEP BEFORE AND CLIMBED BACK OUT AND NOW, IVE TO FALL BACK INTO THIS SHIT? I'M NOW HANGING ONTO THIS BAR, AND I NEED YOUR HAND TO PULL ME UP, not the hand of sympathy, but the hand of love, but if you're not willing to, because your happiness is what you think it's like..

Then I'd gladly fall back into this abyss, with all the cuts and broken bones as my scars which will heal over time. They will not fade away, they will be permanent. But I know if you're happy, I'm happy. I'll climb up once again and unfold a new chapter of my life.

I hope you come up with a decision soon to stop my mental torture, regardless how well train I am in this section, how strong my past made me to be like today, it's still a torture to go through all of this crap.

Thats that.

Here goes nothing..

The strong, will keep fighting to maintain at the peak.
The strong actually feels comfortable at the peak so he does not want to come back down and live the life of the weak.
The weak on the other hand, is trying hard, to climb up to the peak, to get what the strongs are experiencing.
The weak, craves and envy what the strongs are enjoying, and am curious, how does it feels like to be at the peak.
And those whom hungers for the peak badly, will try means and ways to get their way up.
But there'll be a bunch of people stuck at wherever they start off with, not trying hard to maintain at their current situation, regardless it's going up or down.
They're the 'contented'.
The contented ones are people whom either, fought really hard for their life, or faced many different tragedies in their life and decided to see life in a different way. A way of not competiting much, but rather be happy with what they have. Greed, fame, fortune just doesn't seem that important to them at all. Because they find, peace, happiness within contentment.
I myself have half of each, I'm still young, I have goals, I have dreams I want to pursue but I know for sure, what you reap in life 's not always what you sowed.
An example from me would be like, one works really hard for his dragonboat team, he rather be the 'bad' person, and 'screw' everyone in the team. Everyone in the team understands and work really hard with him. But at the end of the day, they didn't win at all. So he sowed that many efforts in training to get full disicpline to train hard , why didnt he reap the award as the champion?
From my point of view, I think he reaped alot of valuable stuffs. For example, he earn friends, friends that can go through thick and thin,can understand him and his efforts, friends that 50 years down the road, would still be called friends, to ask each and everyone out to sit at the coffeeshop and joke and talk about the good old days. He earn this heartwarming feeling. I know, you'd say, one can get this feel when they win the championship as well. Yes, but right now, I'm talking about contentment.
Those whom succeed in their life, its because they put in much more effort than you, they start at young age and have more advantage than you, they're born with a headstart because they're talented and, they're destined to succeed. It just means that your time isn't ripe yet.
I believe that each and everyone will have their fair share to shine. Whether in a big stage, or a small one. Everyone's born to succeed in something, regardless it's a big or small thing. Comparing too much in life, brings much misery because the ones whom always want to climb up that high, even with their lack of ability, keeps trying to no avail. And then they start to feel negative and feels the world's utterly unfair to em when they've never thought, they just aren't the ones chosen for that stage.
My say and solution to this, is to work hard, get the most basic contentment which is your family, make sure they do not suffer, so that your son or daughter will have their chance, their chance to try and succeed in their own stage.

So I'm very thankful to my mum and dad, even though they suffered so much, they're willing to give me, not a chance, but many chances to succeed. Regardless of my destroyed pilot dream thanks to my colourblindness, the lack of chance to ever step into the kitchen to do much cooking cause I always wanted to be a good chef too. They still provide me a chance to succeed, somewhere somehow.

I know, I will succeed, thanks to their never-ending support. I've lost too much, be it time, be it money or friends or any other things. I don't care, whether if its my dignity nor pride, I don't care how other people see me as ' why the fuck is a 21 year old doing in a high school '. I don't care whether if I'm a ITE graduate, rather I'm thankful I'm a ITE graduate.

Because I know, as a grad from ITE, I'm the lowest form of being, I'm someone no one respects in both education and sports, but fret not..
IM GONNA FUCKING PROVE THIS WRONG, I'LL SHOW THE WORLD THAT I'LL SUCCEED. I'LL TURN THE NORTH AND SOUTH POLES ARD, I'LL DISTORT EVERY SINGLE ' FACT ' THAT IS PROVEN.

> THIS IS TO MY ITE BOYS, DISTORT THE FACTS, SHOW EM THAT ITE IS ON EQUAL TERMS TO POLYTECHNICS OR UNIVERSITIES IN SPORTS, SHOW EM THAT ITE BLOOD THAT FLOWS IN YOU, SHOW EM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF.
THIS IS A WAR YOU CANNOT LOSE ANYMORE, YOU'VE NOTHING TO PROTECT.

YOU!

ARE GONNA GO THE FRONTLINES AND RIP THEM ALL APART BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO.

GO!

"This post's to everyone, to myself to my DBboys, to my girlfriend, to everyone whom reads my blog and find what I say interesting/reasonable."

My dragonboat life part 4..


From the starting days of training.


To the days of bulking up and still training.


Till the days of coaching...

And the days of showing, what we ITE CW are made of.

With the partnership of my coach, since the day I joined, since the day I row dragonboat and swim for ITE, till the day I focused on dragonboating, joining clubs, going overseas to race, never forgetting my roots came from ITE CW and where my coach, mr lim wee lip, his teachings and me learning every single thing from him. Arguing about the stroke, the training methods, laughing at people whom we dislike, learn about basic morals, helping breast cancer foundation with dragonboat, doing good deeds that can make you smile from the inside.

I'll never forget your teachings, even when I'm at canada. Thank you Mr.Lim Wee Lip for all your guidance.

If you may, when I come back from canada, I'd like to train up team CW ITE with you once again.

I FUCKING LOVE YOU CWDB!

CW,

KEEEEEEEEEEEYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

-Andy Asshole-

Part 3 of my dragonboat life..


Yes that is the hall we train in, and yes that is ruiwen taking the dumbells home since we're abandoning dover ITE for choa chu kang ITE.

To those whom never knew, or want to know. This is the gym we train in. Our College West dragonboat team. It's kinda cramp, theres not much resources we have. But yeah, this is where 4 years of my dragonboat life is. Most of it besides kallang waters. All the screaming, all the cardio machines, pushup, 2.4, situp, 2km rowing, deadlift, shoulder press, full squats, front squats, circuit, vomits, injuries. Everything that screams dragonboat to my mind and body comes from here. Sadly we're leaving this place for CCK. But my memories will never ever die.

I LOVE YOU DOVER GYM, I thank you for letting us use that place for training. Sounds kinda spiritual but Thank you. I'll never forget that place.

Part 2 of my dragonboat memories.

Then we have KL putrajaya race 2010


the 8 of us went, without ameer inside this picture :)

Rowing with team kiyah-splash.

Celebration picture, that the race is over? hahahaha.

Group picture of us with our medals, winning 3rd for some finals I forgot. hahahaha.

And we have my batch of ITE boys second june race. Winning minor finals 2nd placing as ITE 2.

the 10 of em whom went for the race and YY the drummer :)

College West ITE 2010. I'm very proud of my boys, honestly. They brought back what I've always wanted. The CW spirit and the craziness to want to win.

Them rowing, duh.

And our prove :)
And I won't forget you guys, ITE alumni. You helped me coach my boys whenever you can although you started pangsehing me for god knows why reason. Maybe because training ends too late and you have work/school and stuffs. But yeah, thank you guys a million :)

The pictures will do most of the talkings :)

Our very first CW group picture..

To our very first SDBF which we got into the finals after 2 months of super hardwork, 4-11pm.

Unforgetttable..

People come and go and our first Regatta.

Our very main strong 7 on our way with seahawk to taiwan race.

With seahawk group photo.

Second june race which we won tertiary 3rd 20crew mix. It's nothing to be proud if you know what happened. hahahahaha!

PK Lim as our captain.

My favourite kind of shot, run forward when the person's about to click. HAHAHAHA!

The firsttime I coach a bunch of boys, my first SDBF boys and girls whom I trained out.

It was enjoyable but the same things happened. People come and go.

Regatta with seahawk 2009. It was enjoyable though. :)

Mixture of different batches of CW people.

This post is dedicated to everyone's that important in my life.

Yes, as alot of you people know already. I'm flying to Canada to study, and I'll be there for 5 years?


I'll be back once every 8months and stay ard singapore for maybe 3-4months?


Life will be totally different.


Different friends, different environment, different ethics, different culture, just different.


But yes, there're still alot of things in singapore which I can't let go just yet, but I've to, for the sake of my future, I've gotta look long time.


From my girlfriend to my dragonboat to my friends to my family and every other single thing.
To my dearest Sim Yanyi. I know, life's been hard for you when you're with me. Especially this period when I'm flying soon to canada to study and you're left all alone in singapore and Long-Distant-Relationship 's really hard to handle. As the day inches closer towards my flight, I get really stressed up bit by bit as the stress level climbs onto me. There's alot of things we can do, places we can go, but I'm just not in the right mood and there isn't enough time. I wanna give you the best yet I'm just not in the right mood for anything. But I want you to know deep inside me, I still love you alot alot. I swear until lightning shoot me I also siam fast fast and continue swearing HAHAHAHAHAHA okay wtf...

Next off is my secondary school clique. We've been, drifting far apart, joining/combining/separating from cliques to cliques. There ain't much picture of us cause we don't really like taking pictures I guess? Feels awkward when we take one hahaha, I think? But yeah, we change organizers, from me to joseph to maybe rodney/zhihao and now its joel doing the SHITWORK hahaha! But yes, well its kinda suprising that we're still hanging on until now. Everyone really have their own stuffs to do and I believe after NS, things will surely change again. But yeah, we gotta move on with our own life don't we. :)

This post is dedicated to myself and to my CW boys and everyone else whom had a part in it.

Yeap, its almost a year and 2 months after I've taken over as CW assistant coach and help mr lim, discuss with his really stubborn attitude, and my explosive temperamental, about every and any single way to build up our CW boys.

Even though there were unhappy things that happened throughout this whole time, today, today is the day ITE WEST went down to perform, what they should perform and shock the entire dragonboat association.

Today in the inter-business 10men open category, even though they got 2nd in the semi finals losing 6 secs to no one other than mountbatten whom took the first place, I'm very fucking proud of my boys. Trust me, everyone was standing behind me, some of my boys are on the stage platform shouting. I'm the only idiot shouting like a mad dog and seriously, they did very very very well.

I really wanted to be abit touchy and emotional and my tears were on the verge of falling. I'm seriously seriously touched by their achievements. Every training, me and mr lim shout at em, destroy their ego, destroy their pride, reverse psychology, negative teachings. Just to hope that they'll make their mark somewhere somehow, not in the lower ends and get kicked out in the semis, but yes, to hit somewhere where people will acknowledge em for their very presence.

TODAY, my fucking boys did it.
Although I won't be there for em for regatta when I fly over to canada to further my studies after I ORD, but.. but they really never fail me and they really inscript a deep carve, a deep memory into CW's dragonboat legacy. Fuck, I feel like tearing while writing this post. Honestly, I've never ever felt more happy/touched. Even winning a medal, from that year at the tertiary mixed. It felt like nothing, nothing compared to this, nothing compared to teaching a team, in my way, mr lim's way, to make them this powerful.

We teach, we train, a bunch of boys, with heart problems, body injuries all over, weak mentality, ITE attitude, non sportmen genes, run like a faggot, no body no build.

I guess I'm really proud of myself and my team. This is the fucking best thing I've done in my life yet so far, to build a crazy team, aiming for not the medals, but the ambulance, see who whack until go lie inside first.

I LOVE YOU CW! FUCKING HELL, IF CAN I'LL ASK MY PARENTS TO GET ME AN AIR TICKET TO COME DOWN AND WATCH YOUR FUCKING REGATTA RACE AND BY THEN YOU DONT LET ME DOWN I TELL YOU. SHOW ME THE FUCKING ITE COLLEGE WEST SPIRIT ONCE MORE!

CW KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Andy asshole :)

Like a pheonix rebirthing from its egg,
Like a child born to continue the lifespan of his family line,
Like sprouts climbing out the soil to reach for daylight,

...
(andy's way of those 'act sophisticated' phrases..)
Like maintaining your refrigerator to keep your food edible,
Like pouring kerosene on that tiny flame to let it burn once again..

Like typing in my damn bloody blog, to revive it's lustre and readers.

A wordy person, is not neccessarily a boring person.
Yes, I'm talking bout one of my very irritating personality, being wordy :)
Though I've seriously no idea what am I gonna type for this next few minutes before I head down to the embassy to get my canadian permits/photograph/passport renew?/lunch?!?!/medical checkup done.

Anyways, Life's always been so busy and tiring. But the happy thing is , I guess I'll be doing what I like to do before I fly away to canada. There's the upcoming KL dragonboat race, then theres Singapore Dragon Boat Festival - aka - the June Festival and last but not least, if im selected or if theres a 20men crew for this Penang race, yeap, I'll be in that too.
Coaching, knocking sense, blending into all my ITE dragonboat students 's getting quite well. Especially yesterday's training, feels abit like my time. But I feel that they're taking too long to reach to that level I want. Sadly, oh wells, we gotta just do what we can, pick up as fast as possible I guess.

I have to go now, guess I'll continue blogging soon man.
Whereas for my life in the unpredictable future, I can only hope and try to make the best out of it. Sometimes what I feel and think about is just so demoralising and stressing though its the god damn truth and lots of people I know are always trying to avoid that question or try to stay on the positive side.
I AM staying on the positive side, and at the same time preparing for the worst case scenario.
Gonna end this here,

Life's a box of chocolate :)

-Andy Asshole-

Will I, in the end, study in spore after NS, or go overseas?!
Anws, tmr will kinda be a big day for me, new intakes coming in. Gotta be a firm coach and start off with a good speech. HAHA!

And, in 3 more months, April season, will be my first year as a coach for CWDB. I wonder How will I fare for this up coming june race.

Damn, getting all excited LOL

Since I've time now, I shall blog for abit before I sleep.

Kinda guilty MC-ing so much nowadays. But the truth is I really got thing to MC what. Haha hope my bosses don't purposely pick on me.

Anyways, its a whole new year, and I'm turning 21 this year.
I still gotta work on what do I really want for my career. Maybe landscaping. HAHA! Thats just what my father tell me to try out. Maybe I'll give it a goal since my brother's gonna pick up law studies.

Well, CW's been a headache for me, a real headache. Guess I need to cut away all the ties I have w the rowers when 5pm hits every mon and wed. This way then the team can have a tad bit more disicipline and a whole lot easier for me to coach.

KK, this is what I actually wanted to type right now.

To my friend, Tan Xue Yao.
I still haven't got over what happened to you.
I still don't wanna believe it actually happened to you.
But it did but I am still.. living in self denial at times.
Sometimes I just wish we could've spent more time together, our whole CW pioneer batch.
But still, we actually still, have a sense of belonging in CW. Our whole pioneer batch, I mean most of it lah.
So, heres my resolve, you, rest in peace and hurry up reincarnate into another family and hint me or pioneer CW pple that you're alright and safe, WHILE I, will do this, cause its the only thing that its related to you and me and the rest of us. I will bring up CW's name, and let it etch in everyone's heart that CW is strong, and will be even stronger. I will not fail this time as a coach and you, rest in peace.

Thats all I have to say, needa crash. Takecare all pioneer CW pple, we will meet again. :)