Loopholes

Perfection in a being is close to zero.
One can only work to his best, to give others the best, to show them the best, and inch closer to perfection.

I tried perfection, but never did I realize, to get the "perfect" return that I never wanted to receive. I feel shortchanged.. sad.. lost.

Tired for some stuff, and fired for others, I'm not going to give up in myself, rather this time I want to do even better. Give me that chance, and I will prove to everybody, that I'm trying my best, to give you happiness/things that are towards my standard of perfection.

Undying will~

Scale

That weightage of importance just counts, and everyone wants to be of the utmost importance.

You..

..flip my world upside down.
and I love it.
You..

..make me want to show you all my flaws.
because you accept them.
You..

..give me heart attacks time and time again, be it in a good or bad way and I love it.
It fonds, it races, it beats, and it aches, I love the first 3, not the aching part though hahaha.
You..

..make me do stupid things.
because my love is "savage garden" for you.
You..

..make every inch of my skin scream with joy when I'm with you
and I mean it, every single bit of it.
You..

..are worth fighting for..
because there's just something I foresee, something happy, something bright.




..but unfortunately.. I'll never get that chance..

Just stop this heartache, I can't take it anymore...

My whole life, whenever I try hard for something, I lose it.
The more I go for it, the faster it runs away from me.
Then I switched a mindset and start doing things for others.

Even if I know that she's the right person, I give up the fight..
I just feel fucking helpless, fucking useless, fucking worthless..

It's like whatever I do in life is wrong, I've to give it others to make things right..

But it's not like I wanna prove anything, prove that I can make things right. I just am tired of losing things, things that feels special, not something that downgrades into something not special, like just being friends.

Yknow what, after saying all these, I really feel like slapping myself for talking so much shit. I should learn to shut the fuck up, shut my heart up, and go back to sitting in my room alone and game my life away since my internet is up already.

Everytime I say something to someone and I really fucking mean it, it disappears.

Dafugg you trying to tell me god. really.. I'm really tired, of losing things, regardless of how hard I try, how hard I hold on to it, it just has to disappear from me....

Just stop fucking with me sometimes, I don't want temporary, I want something that lasts till the end of time, something worth the climb.

That thing that beats

It longs for you.
Even if it hurts it still wants you.
Your voice soothes it.
Your concern warms it.
Your presence assures it.


But sometimes, your words and actions breaks it.

When life gives you lemons, you step on them and make yourself 酸 in every way.

I know I won't be able to do it fast, and I'm dropping into the abyss faster than I can climb, enjoying the thrill within that up coming danger.

I know that I have to fix up this circuit board fast, but it's gonna electrocute me if I take my own sweet time.

I know that this mirage is fun to be in, the mass effects that makes me smile and long to stay, that every second of joy that brings a skin screaming sensation of happiness. But if I can never sculp a reality out of it, when it fades, it'll be nothing once again.

I've to harden.

I can never find..

" maybe, it's just for the better "

because it just doesn't make me feel any better.

When you risk it all, and get a broken heart.

You realize that life, really has no fucking purpose.

I just fucking hate myself, so so fucking much.