My whole life, whenever I try hard for something, I lose it.
The more I go for it, the faster it runs away from me.
Then I switched a mindset and start doing things for others.

Even if I know that she's the right person, I give up the fight..
I just feel fucking helpless, fucking useless, fucking worthless..

It's like whatever I do in life is wrong, I've to give it others to make things right..

But it's not like I wanna prove anything, prove that I can make things right. I just am tired of losing things, things that feels special, not something that downgrades into something not special, like just being friends.

Yknow what, after saying all these, I really feel like slapping myself for talking so much shit. I should learn to shut the fuck up, shut my heart up, and go back to sitting in my room alone and game my life away since my internet is up already.

Everytime I say something to someone and I really fucking mean it, it disappears.

Dafugg you trying to tell me god. really.. I'm really tired, of losing things, regardless of how hard I try, how hard I hold on to it, it just has to disappear from me....

Just stop fucking with me sometimes, I don't want temporary, I want something that lasts till the end of time, something worth the climb.