Fear at that time of the year.

Amongst all the fear, I fear that I'll become another one of those guys that text you from time to time, giving you the space where you need and you only reply him whenever you feel like it.

Like I'm just another archived material.

I have been cut off by people before, and the last person I want to be cut off from is you.
I have never needed time off you.

It's you that needed time off me and me trying to make you believe that you don't need to have a time out with me.


That is why I relentlessly spam you because it sucks to end up stagnant like them.
I have my exams results coming out during 2nd dec which is next monday.
My flight is on the 3rd.

I have so much fears, but most importantly is you, do you miss me at all, will you unblock me like what you said two weeks ago?
Do I really have to lead my own life and you lead your own?
What if I try hard and do something everyday just to move you?
Would it be effective or counter effective and make you pissed off?

I have really been pushy and impatient my whole life.
You've picked up my calls everyday without fail.

You listened to Maureen and tried to communicate with me everyday.
You called me.

Then subsequently you stopped cause you said I'll call you, to rebutt my "why didn't you call me?"

I spent cents and dollar, trying to reach you.
The only time you made my heart excited was when you spammed called 26 viber calls and after you tried to spam skype calls to me while you are on your way home.

I questioned you, if you were like anxious and want to talk to me.
You simply replied, nah I'm just testing the connection or the app.

I really haven't heard that you miss me or love me since so long ago.
I always have to ask you if you are still in the zone with me.

I even created a simple system where I hold your hand and you just let me know when you are ready to walk it with me.

I hate it when you got accustomed to not talking so much because of my exam period we couldn't talk and you drifted even further!!

I really really really hate it even more, when you said you cannot talk to me like before that you needed space and all when we were still talking everyday before my exam period, which is right after my exam.

I hate it when you totally shut me down and don't want to pick up any of my calls or reply my texts.

I hate it when I have to blog all my feelings here and don't even know that if you bother to read it, and most importantly relate to what I've said and think about me, just for a second.



But even after all of these. I still try, cause I believe and have faith.
Cause, I really do love you.