Cracked

It has been really long since I last felt like this.
But honestly, this has been the most successful relationship that I've ever felt, something that is the most genuine and priceless thing I've experienced so far.

Maybe it really is nothing, just a small little quarrel but yeah.. that heartache coming back once again.

The sadness israel T_T

The rock ain't shiny anymore

At least the blog is still more of a space to throw my thoughts, anyway here goes!

The shine that used to shimmer just doesn't sparkle as much anymore. 

The emitting glow runs through time and slowly dims.

The exclusiveness of one falls as every new day arises.

And oh the sorrow in him, climbs out from within, and eats him alive.

Guess the whole point of me coming down to the city and bambooing just wasn't what my heart actually wants.

A.S.S~

My brain

Every time when I make a decision in life, be it in general, specifically and what not.

I always picture myself coming into a crossroad. 

Not that I love fucking around with myself and making me stressed up for no good fucking reason but, when I meet a crossroad, it ain't a path that diverge into merely 2 or 3 different paths.

It fucks around with me by giving me multiple paths, too many actually and the aftermath of every single choice I make. Furthermore it breaks down into very specific details where a minor tweak in the action would result in another path opened up for me to choose. 

That's not the end even. It goes really far fetched and starts to build up many many more scenarios until the end product if my brain ever feels like doing it.

Then I'll start to compare each scenario whilst gauging the percentage of success for each path taken to the goals that I aim to acquire. 

This is just a slight breakdown and we have not included emotions nor personality inside.

So it is just basically me thinking a lot and playing safe in life, trying to not fuck things up but still not forgetting to yolo hard and live life breaking its boundaries and going the extra mile blah blah. 

Yeah I just haven't got the the point.

The downside of this brain of mine?

It is when I try to calculate how to fight against a Black Hole and still believe there are odds of me winning.

I know right, feel like just throwing myself inside a washing machine and spin until my brain reset.

And as of now, I think I should stop believing in love. So real yet so deceiving. 

Slamming the doors

Typing and backspacing as the seconds tick by, so many thoughts, so many words to be said, so much hatred and so much sadness.

So many paths to choose yet bend on taking that one path.

Justifiable? Only to myself.

Nothing changes as time stays constant.

Ponder and wonder, the ache still remains.

Feel like imitating your rashness. Just because we want to do what we want to do. 

Feel like doing something stupid. Just because the consequences are overrated.

Feel like shit.

Feel like throwing my phone away...

Pulsate and echoes

Deep in my heart, my lungs and every fibre of my very being.
I want to fucking shout at your ever cute and bubbly face.

But since doing that is gonna be inappropriate.
I am going to shout here then.

DONT FUCKING GO LA CCB MUST GO MEH?!
KNNBPCBNBCBCCBWTFBBQ

Mask of deceit | Double-edged sword

Bring a face for every scenario.

Be truthful to yourself, but be accommodating to the scene that one faces.

Smile and laugh, cause it ain't too hard to please.

And never reveal the naked side of you.

Pick up the double-edged sword.

Swing it back and forth. 

Find happiness and sadness in it.

Kill and get killed.

This is still my personal space where I throw my thoughts and shit that I do not want to cope with inside. So people who unravel this, I hope you'd respect my space, keep calm and don't judge ^_^

And honestly, I will never lie or send information via my blog to anon that I want to reach. 

Anyway here goes,

I really do not understand why is the wound so deep.

When the distance walked ain't enough to keep.

All the telepathy and similarities that we possess.

Is so near yet may only be just a guess. 

I should not have gambled the talk.

And instead just walk the walk.

Looking from my own perspective that all of these may seem one sided.

When actually the answers are all kept, locked and hidden.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I am slowly beginning to hate myself.

Hate that I watch and let things slide and not even trying to fight for it.

The old me would've just .. in this scenario .. did everything to stop that from happening despite knowing the chances of success is 0.1%. 

Okay maybe I've just become more realistic and not dramandy anymore haha.

But sigh, it really still cuts me to just sit and watch. 

And just a little more rant, I punched a hole in the wall, fml, must pay for maintenance liao.

And the fucking arab in my project group use baby to DEH me say cannot do report.

Fucking habibi. Fucking bad day ( Though its Thurs already ), fucking bad start, terrible afternoon, aiya just fuck today. Fucking wish it never happened or I comatose all the way until next fucking Friday.

I'm still alive

Skipped 8 hours of class, destroyed a wall and etc etc.

Accessing and reflecting myself the entire day, as to whether if my actions are justifiable to my personal self. Whether if I can still look myself in the mirror after all of these.

And my conclusion?

When you really want something, no matter what odds you are up against, all you've to do is to become the bigger person, become something bigger than the odds and conquer it.

Those nasty information? Gah fuck it, lets start by messing with that brain of yours Andy low, time to forget stuff or take it with a pinch of salt.

Indifferent

Have I ever told you about a trait of my dad?

No?

Okay here goes.

He's a man who tolerates.

No shit, he tolerates everything, for years, and he shows no emotion regarding things that irritates him. He either walks away or gives no flying fuck about it. 

And he tolerate to the point something bad happened in him. 

But it should be healing fine :(

As for me, I am the loser version of him. I can't fucking tolerate shit, or rather I have my mum's tolerance, which is close to none, we show our reaction when something happens. But I believe I make up for it by recovering asap from the situation and try to solve it.

Anyway, now it comes to what I want to talk about. 

This dad of mine, got cut by a machine and poured iodine into the wound and didn't make a single sound. The wound was at least 10-15cm long and 3cm wide. Bit a piece of cloth, held the cupboard really tightly and just withstand the pain like it was a mere cut.

And I can't even handle something like this....

Just fucking bite the bullet and ignore every motherfucking shit that you feel unhappy about.

Dig deep

Beside me lies a shovel as a raging sandstorm comes flying towards me. I have time, more than enough time to dig myself a shell scrape to escape. A deep one even. 

The ballsy or rather, dumb me wants to hold my breath, clench my fist and soldier through the entire storm but yet I am considering to live to fight another day. 

The sandstorm closes it's distance every second as I pick up the shovel and sigh.

Hesitation keeps lingering in my head as I  stare into the upcoming monstrosity.

"This is gonna be a pain" I mumbled.

My arms started moving on its own as I thought about survival. Meh, this ain't gonna hurt, it's just a mere 48 hours or slightly more. Right after the sandstorm it'll be fireworks.

Only after a mere 20minutes i dug myself a "home" deep enough to hide for upcoming ordeal. I hopped in and curl myself up while the song of pain became louder and louder. 

"Alright, time to sleep" I thought.

I close my eyes, tuck my chin in and lay my face on my thighs. A sudden adrenaline kick came in as the lights dimmed and the world started quaking..

I smirk. 

Chuck and focus

What's done is done, it's all said and in the past. 

And whatever that's gonna happen, ain't gonna change how I feel for you.

And besides that, starting on a 20 page report that is due tmr, fuck me. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Doubt it will

The hardest thing to do in life for me is pretense.

To pretend that I don't give a shit

When I really do. 

To be honest, it sucks, but on the bright side, at least I am going to be busy from 8-5 tonight. Enough to keep my mind off things and dgaf.

Time to fly.

And hopefully this doesn't get outta the box. 

Checkpoint for myself

I have so many things lined up for me, I swear, too many including the weekly partying and trust me, if anyone is reading this, check out bamboo saturdays, you'll never regret it I swear.

I am attending Defqon 1 at SYD, Ultra Music Festival at BKK, Hardwell back in MEL, Stereosonic and Zoukout.

Though I'm on full swing yolo, I do know that I have to control myself so that I can get my studies done as well so yeah, don't worry readers <3 div="">

Anyway, you guys do know that I only post when I have thoughts clouding my mind.

Truthfully, if you read the last post, and maybe a few more before, I am pretty sure you know that I am interested in this particular somebody who I'll call tomato in this post.

I can't believe that I have only known her for a month.

Tomato is really a different girl compared to many others. I've had my fair share of friends,girlfriends,girlbros and all and trust me, do not go anywhere near " aiya, because you like her ofc she is different and whatnot ", she is uniquely different and attractive. 

I do not like her or am interested in her just because she is the oddball amongst my experience.

There is always that awkward shyness between us, yet the readiness to tease and even swearing at each other. Note: Might be one sided HAHA.

Well, and to be fair, what cuts me, abit only ah, am affected BUT ABIT ONLY, is that she shuts me off pretty cleanly regarding the relationship side. Her friend did tell me that she likes me as a friend, but it is just the wrong timing.

Yeah besides that, that's it lor. Don't even know where I am going with this.

Just want to throw some thoughts into this space and clear my mind off it. No shit my friends, I like this person. 

But yeah, there's nothing more than this I guess. 

Okay! Peace out mates~ 

Have a great week ahead :)

A little writing on the long way back home

Simultaneously locking my phone whilst looking up after hearing my name being called, all I saw was a pair of ever mesmerizing eyes. A formidable force came along with her stare and it felt uneasy to return.

I twitch and stutter, swallowed as I quickly ran through my mind as to what should I say, but wait, I actually forgot what did she ask, or did she? 

I panic and went into honest mode, the buzzer killer and told her that she looks really fierce though her eyes are really beautiful. 

As I finally managed to look her in the eyes and speak, her right brow raised as if thats what she wanted to reply me.

Them features once again threw me off my guard and made me nervous. "Andy, why the fuck are you cornered? You're the man that is fueled with fucking confidence and laughter", I thought to myself. 

Hastily I started another conversation as I fought to get my composure back on track as the night went on....

Blessings for you M&E

Though you two will never read my blog, Mario & Ellie, I wish you guys all the best in the future!!
I still remember the first day i saw you two meet each other at the a house party, and its my very first house party in melbourne hahaha!

3 and a half years ago, and now, you guys are happily engaged to each other.
It really is such a beautiful thing to witness.


This post is dedicated to you guys and may yall walk hand in hand, lovingly, till the end of time <3 br="">

And as for me? 
Well, been trying to shun the feelings and rejecting all the thoughts. Time is really moving damn fucking slow, its no shit because it has only been what, 3 days since..
Sometimes, even using my favourite "meh~" makes the heart fond for~

Anywho, falling sick, am really tempted to casual antibiotics again.
and cannot gym. FUUUUU...

Regardless, last week of uni before holiday keke ^_^

Feel

Since today got feel to sing chinese songs ( because the past few days its just heavy drops and trance )

And this truckload of assignments is getting on my nerves, feel like just flipping the table.



Then I encounter my own quote.

" Rush the magic, Ruin the flavour "

Think go sleep sua. Cbf think or do anything.

Pieces and fragments

We are like pieces and fragments that fill up upon each other to finally create a final picture.

Falling down from different points, bumping into each other at unexpected moments, sticking together and taking the fall together, leaving halfway throughout the fall. 

Being side by side during the fall, atop or under, a certain distance apart, perfection, imperfection. 

At the end of the day when we land upon ground zero, when we accept each other into our lives, be it fitting perfectly side by side, at weird angles, slanted with a gap, what matters is that that's what we wanted and that we live comfortable in each other's arms. 

Once again.

Up till now, I thank you readers for following my blog, taking the effort to even type out my blog url >_<

Anyway, as we all know, my blog is not a place to promote, to show the world what I am but rather, it is a place where I throw my emotions in as I do not want to tell it to other people, but somehow, when you read it, I am actually.. telling it to you haha.

Anyhow.. Here goes

Everyday, every moment, you might have to open a new door which will ultimately bring you to a different outcome and future.

From the start of age I have always been beginning with the end in mind. For certain things it may seem easy as hell, like as for studies, just study hard, get a degree and get going.

But recent events got me thinking, do I want to apply for a TR in Melbourne, do I want to get PR in Melbourne? It ain't as easy as it seems of course but yeah, I have a feeling I do not want to leave Australia for good and keep it at that. Maybe I could bring my dad's business over here since Australia.

That's just a bit of my thoughts regarding my own future and career wise.

AS FOR the other future, which I am pretty sure, all of you are actually getting pretty tired of already because I have always been failing in it.

It has been pretty torturous journey, honestly. Not that I ain't appreciative of the people that wanted to share their life with me for that period of time but, yknow, shit just doesn't work out to some point, even when I am given the best, I somehow throw it away because of the lack of confidence due to the umpteen failures. ( Ya, you guys will be like, Andy's not confident as a person? Bullshit )

I just met this new person in my life, she's god damn it straightforward, she's funny, retarded in a way ( cause she doesn't even know the way home ), hot, pretty, dances and so on and so forth.

Funny thing is that, she is 6 years apart from me. K, throw the "pedo" at me, ty. ~_~

Yeah, young, crazy, wild and free. My initial thoughts would be, nah, she ain't gonna be ready to be in that kind of stage and all that stuff. But I have never thought of it as being someone that she would always love to be there for her. That can be a new kind of love/concern that I should peak at. Don't dive so hard anymore, do not live on my motto ( run the extra mile ) anymore, just be there for her and thats that.

Yes, the Andy you know will rebut and say, what if you do all of these and she can't see it or idk, end up with some other guy during the journey and what nots.

Kay, my reply to that, and gonna live on it, due to a certain few people in my life that thought me the word #Life, yep, then that's life.

Anyway, getting back on track, just gonna cut it short and get back on assignments, I have a good feeling about this dumborella, have a uptight me inside of me that am afraid of bad outcomes but am just gonna play it cool and let it flow. ( And ending up like chen, if it ever does, meh, wahlau, becoming a chen leh zzz :P )

Haha this shit is always the longest :S

Anyhow, friends are leaving back for good.

Had a crazy time with KC Randall and friends for the past few weeks. Yes, I did real bad things, I broke my principles and went yolo because I really dgaf any more. Gonna miss the times we have even though it is only for awhile. You guys were awesome, honestly. 

Darren, bro, you've been there for me at my lowest. You really didn't give up on me even after you said you would. You know my personality inside out, you know that I am stubborn as fuck yet you were always there for me whenever I called. Sorry I couldn't be there for your grad photos because of the jam and your gastric :/ But anywho, all the best in every future endeavours and lets have a meal in sgp soon ^_^ 

OKAY, waking up to reality on week 4 is definitely not fun. Got "surprise motherfucker"-ed by the assignments really ain't no joke. Take care mates, I promise all of you, I am gonna cherish myself, the people around me, but I am still gonna live life to the fullest.

#Yolofornow<3 div="">

Peace <3 div="">

愛的早，不如愛的剛剛好

鄭伊健把第一個7年給了邵美琪，
第二個7年給了梁詠琪，
抱著不婚主義的浪子，
於第三個7年娶了蒙嘉慧。
二十一年後，
鄭伊健終於修成正果。
女人們用一個個七年，
搭上最好的青春，
也未必求得來一張結婚證書。
有人說，不是邵美琪不夠美，
也不是梁詠琪不夠聰慧，
只是因在他最需要婚姻的時候，
遇到的是蒙嘉慧。
婚姻是什麽？
無非是天時地利人和—想結婚了，
恰好是你在身邊。
愛的早，不如愛的剛剛好！

Freedom

Freedom has always been what I seek.
From the day I was born, I have been entrapped in this illusionary cage that my parents forged for me.
Good cop bad cop were played throughout my entire life between mum and dad.

That is why there is always this barrier that I do not cross just because I am doing it for them, for the two heroes in my life, that gave me my life.

Thus freedom, is when I drive late at night, back from anywhere, all alone in my car with the colors of music pulsating from the speakers into my ears, into my mind.

It is a private and enjoyable moment for me, a moment of joy and happiness where I get to sing, I get to relax and let every fibre of my skin scream with joy.

And to let you into that space, was letting you into my private life.

Driving home from wherever I was before, made me realize how much you were worth to me before.
Not that my reaction is justifiable, but I just want to talk to myself, in my own space.

Havoc time tmr ^_^

Clean slate

Whatever the past, just gonna wipe it clean. New page new chapter, new life.