My life - 19/10/2010 ( Singapore ) 10:57AM.

Right now, over here at Winnipeg, around henderson's, live a 179.5m chinese boy. He's having a physics test tmr, exam rather and he'd rather spend the time blogging than studying.

He's a very emotional guy, if you know his life, maybe you'll shed a tear for his pathetic 21 years of crap he went through. Especially in relationships. The first was a 7year crush which he never ever told the girl that he likes her, only till the day his friends saw that girl dating another guy, holding hands.
Inbetween this 7 years, especiall at the 4th year, he tried to love other girls but often when he reaches somewhere somehow, even a month into this other r/s, he completely destroys it because he is utterly foolish and long to believe that she'll be his one fine day.

After that devastating impact hit him so hard, the chain of unfortunate events never cease to die down. His beloved grandfather passed away. He didn't make it in his academic studies, he lost his dragonboat race, or did he won? 3rd placing against 4 teams which he was never proud of that medal at all. That was never a victory to him at all. He quarrelled with his dad to hear his dad's really really saddening story of what his dad actually wants from his father, a.k.a my grandfather. They quarrelled on the highway, when his dad stopped the car in the middle lanes.
His dad called his friends - in chinese - zhu peng gou you. But these friends were his only best friends, right from the end of high school life. Calling them that destroyed a certain part of him really badly. I'd like to go into details but I think we should just move on. Btw, those friends are really good friends of mine, even until today, even if each of us have to lead our own life, the times we had together will never be forgotten. We might even meet up till we're old HAHA<-- okay that's the first laughter for this entire serious blogging session.

Then after, at the 7th year, he got together with this girl, whom he vowed to takecare of, dote on, love her as much as possible. They had a great time together, or should I say, maybe only I had a great time? because at the end of the day, nothing was shared between the couple, nothing much, because all of her thoughts and laughter were only generated by his best friend. A.K.A her god-brother. They spend so much happy times together, they as in she and his best friend. His best friend even showed him what kind of conversation they had, but covering the other parts of the conversation, just to show some particular words she had converse with him.
In the end, he fall out with this best friend, and the best friend never realized his mistake. The bestfriend said he's always trying to help me and stuffs. Not even a single word of apology ever came by. Either he's too proud of himself and can't bow down and apologize, or he's just pathetic.

Then after, bit by bit, he lost all that friends he have. He took so much effort into carving a friendship with all these people, to find that they're actually hypocrites or lowdown-society creatures. They can only say, what's happen has happen and still not apologize about it. Afew did, actually maybe only 1, and some others actually realize their mistakes after a year or 2?
The rest continue to live in denial and so fuck all of you?
But theres one neutral friend, that was with his clique as that best friend. Just a small clique of 3, he's actually still there. I mean he's always there, nice guy and a friend worthy to cherish but if YOU ever read this, stop spamming ' I love you ', ' I miss you '.

After the breakup, she got together with his bestfriend. Ironic isn't it. God-siblings ties and slowly turn out to be couple-ship. Kind of a good joke to me I guess? But yes, I don't mean to be offensive, I do abit though, but if one reads this 10 years down the road, he may attain some enlightenment and laugh about this piece of joke deed he or she did.

Then he, aka me, moved on, performed an operation for his right leg. He tore his ligament while playing basketball for fun, and you know what, your legs can only go back and forth right? His went 90degrees to the right and twisted back itself. Everyone at the basketball court witnessed it. His secondary school clique, a.k.a his best friends saw it, some of them even help him to do a calve stretch when you know, my ligament's already torn and it hurt like crap.

This is how, he gained, from 72kg, to 80kg throughout this entire 1 and the half years of no-exercise or light exercise.
He then took over this post of assistant coach of ITE West, his former team. His coach, former coach, still his coach now, already 4 years plus but still, once my coach, always my coach ( If he deserves my respect ). But yes, this coach of mine, likes to play with words, he loves mental warfare at times. We argue alot, we quarrel abit, he scold me for alot of things, he brought me into this team and told me to coach all these new students. Be it him using me to lighten his burden or be it him actually wanting me to learn something from this ' coaching ' thingy. Really, I learnt alot alot. NS did make me somewhat a 'man', but Mr.Lim taught me more, much much more. As a coach, maybe punctuality isn't that important, but presence is very important. IF YOU want to coach, you'd better be ready to burn your offs and be ready to sacrifice any and every single thing you have for the team. If not, YOU, don't bother.

Every single scream, every single action-reaction I've ever had, every droplet of sweat that drips onto the floor, every bit of teardrop, everything still inscripts in my heart, so deep so deep into my heart.

Alright next~ , proceeding, then he met this girl, this girl whom didn't have much luck in her previous romance, what I'm trying to say is she being single, that's all. There were alot of other hot girls, but he only want this girl, regardless of her background and whatsoever. It was really a great pick, they had many happy times, together, although I always try my best to make her day happy, give my best to make sure she ain't disappointed at the end of the day because he knows that, if his loved one is happy, how much suffering he have to endure, is nothing at the end of the day after see-ing her face filled with happiness and laughter.
He too always asked if she had a great day, just to assure himself, that he did a great job because a perfectionist is what he prefer to be, but if perfection can't be attained, he will want to achieve that goal as close as possible to perfection. But all in all, he just wants her to be happy, in every single way, in every single thing.

She did everything possbile too, to make him happy. For example his birthday. He never celebrated his birthday after the age of 8 due to his grandmother's death and some misunderstandings which then lead to his, don't-like-to-celebrate-birthday, attitude.
The next birthday celebration he had, was at the age of 16, a small little piece of cake he got from his friend's leftovers at his friend's house. It was heart warming you know, at wy's house with kenneth shawn and i think yongxian zhenwei lawrence? I think so. Then the following celebrations 's always held in this particular chinese cuisine restaurant at westmall, nothing special, but every birthday, he just eats with his mom and brother, and leaves the place by himself and wander home by himself even though his mum wants to buy a cake for him, walk around with him, or cab home with him. The years go by and things just went numb till his birthday last year. When his gf planned a birthday celebration for him. It was really, surprising, but he's stuck in that hell-hole for too long a time, he don't know what and how to react when someone hosts a birthday party for him. He was at a loss of words, honestly, he really don't know what to say but that day was still training so we proceeded on with trainings.
Oh at 2008, the alumni boys, bought a cake for me too, it was quite touching too, with wangjie, yan an, john, zhenwei, chunyew, kengsiang, jasper?, jason, xiaopang, cheekang and some other guys. I wouldn't forget that.
But 2009 was the year he started really 'warming up' to this birthday celebration thingy.
Then 2010, even though it was his 21st birthday, which supposedly should be a big big celebration, taking pictures with everyone at a clubhouse or something like that. He just went to MBS, with his beloved girlfriend and ate at this international buffet called ' The Rise'.
The ambience was good, although the food's just decent but, he really enjoyed it alot alot alot. Just having a meal with his girlfriend for his 21st birthday really can blow him off his feet and he's really satisfied that day. And things were so fine,then 3 days later, he flew to canada to study.

Thing went fine, even till the first month he settled in Canada to further his studies. Adding today, is his number 509 day, from the day they got together.

And now this crap, giving my all, mother wants me to study abroad = this current crap now.
I believe even if it's australia or perth or even malaysia, it won't make any difference. My commitment level for this r/s did fluctuate, but I always crawl back up, asap to make up for everything. And now, everything is falling back onto me again, I FUCKING HATE TO RESTART, I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT, I'VE FALLEN SO DEEP BEFORE AND CLIMBED BACK OUT AND NOW, IVE TO FALL BACK INTO THIS SHIT? I'M NOW HANGING ONTO THIS BAR, AND I NEED YOUR HAND TO PULL ME UP, not the hand of sympathy, but the hand of love, but if you're not willing to, because your happiness is what you think it's like..

Then I'd gladly fall back into this abyss, with all the cuts and broken bones as my scars which will heal over time. They will not fade away, they will be permanent. But I know if you're happy, I'm happy. I'll climb up once again and unfold a new chapter of my life.

I hope you come up with a decision soon to stop my mental torture, regardless how well train I am in this section, how strong my past made me to be like today, it's still a torture to go through all of this crap.

Thats that.