It was a month ago when I thought about you leaving.
And now its 2 days before you are officially gone out of my reach, for awhile/eternity or whatever it might be.

But I guess, I've to live with what life opens for me.
Maybe living further apart was always a good deal for personalities like such and at the current stage we dance in.

Suck it up andy.

Moving on is really a hard thing, part of your soul lingers in that place where you last left. Memories flash, be it happy or sad, and part of you wants to experience that feeling, or even own that feeling till the end of time.

I don't know what to do, should I just be happy go lucky and do whatever I want, or..

Sigh, I just don't know.

And my job is done. Don't think of what the result is, or what will happen in the future. Just, be happy and move on.

This friday, last job! Once I fulfill all your past wishes, I think my job is done..

And at that time, I hope, I can really let go of all my wishful thoughts and give up and move on properly.

SAVING UP!
Next year I'm going to Blizzcon no matter what!
And I'm gonna bring you along ;)

I know everything's over. There's no way of trying to dig up that past and try .. to ask for forgiveness and such.

It's just .. I miss those times.

Just fuck off

There's signs that make me feel that I'm still wanted.
Maybe, its just those stuff, that give me hope, but on the other hand, it's just another thing that you leave there because you can't be bothered to change it.

I don't know, I'm afraid to say it, there're things I want to say, but I know it won't turn out the way I want it to be, so I keep quiet, and give myself that glimpse of hope, to make myself a happier lad as my days go by.

Once they take advantage of you, it's hard, very hard, to get back into the game.

Today, is the first time I went to the club, not to dance,grind ( I don't okay, maybe recently I accidentally did HAHA ), or any other dirty acts but instead, just to associate.

ANYHOW~

430am, I should jolly well be sleeping already but something is keeping me awake.
and here it goes..

Confidence is something that is lacking in me now. I tend to be really scared of what's happening around me.

Questions like, what if that happens, I don't want that to happen, how to make sure it doesn't happen keeps appearing in my mind.

and that,

was caused by my past relationships. Regardless of those actions I did might be wrong and stuff on the line, I try my best, to provide my loved ones something, something in exchange for their smile, affection and concern.

I'm just like that, I believe lotsa guys out there are like me too. We might complain, we might nag and argue about stuff that we're unhappy about. You definitely do not want to listen to them, but you know what, after all of THAT, we still go back and do what we have to do, to bring you smiles and happiness.

Because no matter how much we frown, at the end of the day, when we see that megawatt smile of yours, every bit of sadness, madness fades to nothing.

OKAY suddenly I feel that I'm getting out of point HAHA ( most prolly because I'm ACTUALLY complaining right now HAHA, love my blog, best place to rant! )

..but yes, all I want now, is to regain that confidence, to provide my absolute 101% trust and love to this next girl I want to date( might be you you or you? ), and hopefully, crossing my fingers, an everlasting one :D

Obstacles, here I come!! ^_^

Why do I still lie, yknow what, I have never lie to somebody for such a long time before, just because I'm a really selfish person to begin with.

But at the end of the day, what feeds me is see-ing you.
and at the end of the day, what makes you happy, is to let you go from my heart.

Can somebody drown me plz, not literally, but drown me with delicacies so I can forget all of these, temporarily.

Tell me about,

differences between mr nice guy, and mr foolish guy?

And I shall tell you about,

how I treat people whom lies to me

despite it black or white.

Persuasion is something that is dying within me.

From now on, no matter how unfair life is towards me, I promise everyone, that I'll do my utmost, to bring y'all nothing, but fond memories.

When you apologize because you're afraid you've offended that person, regardless of whether you had or not..

what kind of a person does that makes you?

insecured?
don't wanna make any enemies?
just want everyone to be happy?

all of the above?

hmmm..

I just don't wanna screw up anymore, I can say I'd really want to try it out, but something in me, is just holding me back and we know, you don't stay in stock forever, you'll be taken one day.

After that day, from I don't know, I started growing feelings for you. But right now, it's the fear of trying, and everything is inferior compared to everything I see. I'd try, but yknow, my confidence of bringing you happiness is near to naught and maybe.. maybe he's just better off with you? Haha, I don't know!

FUCK! I need to vent it all on my micro~

nuff said on one sided love story

or a two sided love story that always goes wrong.

handling problem?
fate problem?
situational problem?

Why so much problems :S

It goes like this..

You really want it..
when it comes to you

meh, you screw up on you feel empty and you don't want it.

so wtf do you want?

wtfsaglaksngjlkdsjgsljhsldkjgsdlkjg!

Rejection is a wake up call to one, to start stepping up on your profile.
To stop sitting and waiting, instead, keep upgrading oneself so that you'll not fall behind.

Thus this is a reminder to myself, from today onwards, I'm gonna work hard on 3 of my babies, dragonboat+gym , studies, and my online gaming tournament. Nothing else.

Maybe abit of shuffling and tectonic? HAHAHA!

But yeah, thats all for now, no more girls no more feelings and such. I want to lead a HAHAHAHAHAHAHA life from now on.

It's gonna be another hell of a ride, but this time, I'ma finish it!

Andy.

There were supposed to be hugs, kisses and fireworks today..

>:(

learn to let go andy, stop trying to give yourself that many chances when others deserve one!

but..

Do you think

it's easy to get out of a heart broken state.
when all you did was dive, dive into the relationship, with no plans of getting out.

I wonder..

Picture that..

nothing but a cup, on a table, in the middle of the room
broken roof and rain pouring in, vulnerable to every single thing that comes in contact..

yeap, thats it.

MONK STYLE~

Patience comes a long way.
Patience bears a pretty fruit most of the time.

And I hope it bears me that particular one.
as my h-ache pulsate, waiting for that moment.

CONE BUN WAH LOLOL

Okay my post won't be that detailed and hyper but~

people make mistakes in their life, in some, they only get that once chance and not fail it, but in others, they get to try again, too sometimes it depends on how serious the matter is.

I personally, want to reopen that chapter and colour it properly this time, perfect all the grammar and spellings. Input the proper punctuations and make this chapter as perfect as ever.
The only problem is, I'm lacking the pen to write it. The publisher doesn't want the chapter to be released soon so I can take my own time to start writing it, and honestly, I'm excited to write this chapter again.

TO DA CLUB, NEED TO DESTRESS, CYA~

I want to build a time machine

It was the happiest time of my life in melbourne. How I wish it stayed.
And the radio has to play ' the fray - how to save a life ' to make me more emo :S

Gah, happy birthday to my dad! I wish you with the most important thing, a perfect healthy body to live a happy life!
You'll never read this anyways, just saying ( acts like a dutiful son ) LOLOL

School sucks, its going so fast and I've to absorb every single thing, I swear I'm getting tired already.

I'm so damn looking forward to what's happening in Singapore during SEPTEMBER, 2 MORE FUCKING MONTHS GOGOGOGO!

and I need to quit showing the sad face and start smiling, even if it hurts!
Alright, thats my new goal ( and study harder ).

GAMBATE ANDY
CIAOZ

Taking care of you, was my privillege and duty
All of these chores as you might see them as, to me is all love and love.

But how silly of me, once again, for your happiness, let myself fall back into the depths again.

It might not be as deep as before but surely, definitely, I'm climbing up from scratch again.

now that another chapter closed with wet pages, I don't think I'll pen down anything new for I believe, things never go my way.

The boy kneels down and begged for advice..

The sage chuckles, grins and say,

"in life, you've to try, but no matter what the outcome, you've to accept it. people come and go, things come and go, money come and go, but if you're scared and all you want to do is just stay put and hope that things stay the same, you'll stagnant and people will lose interest in you. strive for your own happiness."

A facade
and immediate condemn.

I believe if anything bad happens this time, I'll lose the will to love.

A clown..
paints his face with many different bright colours, to look happy and cheerful.

A clown..
paints his smile in a way, it never frowns.

A clown..
always grins, but one never knows what it is within.

A clown..
does his best to entertain and humour you, so you'll smile.

A clown..
takes away all your trouble and sadness, and gives you love and happiness.

A clown..
smiles, when he sees your smile.

And after all of these, he'll have to take off his makeup, and one will never know, what's churning and happening inside him.

For I feel like this clown, as no one understands me.
as cheerful as I can be, I always give and bring forth things, feed on your smiles, and at the end of the day, I'm filled with emptiness,all the way, to the brim.

I swear I hate my life, just for this moment.
I'm lost, yet I have to be on track.
I'm lost, yet I have to be steady.

And when I fall, its game over.

Because there's always no support.

That vicious cycle

Have you ever wondered, why do you deserve that particular kind of treatment from that particular person? And why are you applying that to another person in the upcoming future?

grudge? saddistic?

We'll make an example out of it, a certain person named,

lets say, Tom, always bullies John.
John slowly grows a grudge and swore to himself he'll be successful and powerful like Tom so he wouldn't be bullied again.

When he reaches that stage in life, he slowly grows into that state where he becomes like Tom and starts abusing his power, because he wants to get things done so that he wouldn't get bullied by another..

and that vicious cycle repeats.

Would you be the one person, to put that to an end, to break that chain of effect, to be a forgiving person.

or maybe once again, I'm thinking too much?

You shouldn't be a beast..
yet you were born to be a beast.

How fate controls your life just sucks eh.

Hi, ishti and aamir, if you guys are reading this,

Lets be LEDENGARY! ^^ HAHAHAHAHA

when there're no answers to your questions, that feeling just auto-injects into you.
I need to learn to let go, again.

And keep this in mind, 'knowing too much, sometimes, just isn't a good thing'. Besides, where is the trust if you keep thinking that way right.

Wake up.

It's the same thing all over again.

Except this time, it'll be 9 days, 1 month, 1-3months?

I'm worried, my confidence got crushed once, will I be able to handle it again?

Oh wait, what's with again, I'm confident that I can make this work out, my foresight tells me it'll be super hard but I'm gonna keep trying!

Time to be independent even though I really, really have the urge to splurge and call you.

If you ever read this my little ke ai girl, I love you hehehehe.

K BYE~!

okay something's wrong with my blogger.

In the rain It's been a long long time, since I last worked out, approximately 2-3 weeks? I've been struggling and in a way, gasping for help. Yeah, I know, I'm pathetic in a way, always spending extra cash here and there, to get things done. But from all of these, I realized, that I, the vanguard of my family, that in life, you do not take shortcuts, especially when it's things that lead so far, so far into your future. Back to my workout, I had a basketball game, it was only for awhile because the rain and shine kept a cycle until the heavy downpour. I did my best in the game, the floor was slippery, my shoes arent conditioned to play basketball on that kind of terrain, and the trauma about my knee still lingers somewhere in my mind. I want to jump, I want to play like before, I want to be aggressive, I want to do a proper layup in a proper game, I want to pull the ring again, I want to rewind time, I want my operation to be a success, I just want to be normal again. I know, there're people outside whom're in a state worst than me, they're robbed of mobility, verbal communication, sight and many more. But its just a part of me, that wants that adrenaline rush I miss so much, to exert my body, legs, arms, brain power, willpower, to the maximum and 'breakdown' after a shower and a warm meal. Damn, speaking about warm meal, I miss my mom's simple dishes already. Just porridge, that's left over a time, becoming all gooey and having that with my dad's garlic eggs, top grade-thin-crisp-ly-fried-luncheon-meat, nuggets, and the canned pork ribs. Simple, unhealthy, yet heart-warming. I'm always the one doing the first step to get things done. I was striked off twice by you. To be friends is a yes for me, but I really hope, this time, you'll initiate.. If I'm worthy, of your time and effort. Good day readers :)

Flow, thoughts flow. I just need to pour out these feelings somewhere. Currently I'm having four subjects to cope with, and I can only do well with 2. The other 2 subjects happened to be engineering math and physics which, are subjects that I love but I can't seem to fall in love with them. It's because I have never done grade 11/12 or equivalent, A math and JC math/physics. I swear, I'm suffering right now, everything just seems like a blur to me now. I can just skip classes and give up on these subjects. I've been going to lectures, doing revision, going to student learning centre where there're tutors to help me, watching online tutorials, asking for help from friends but, its just too much for me to catch up. Yes, I know, it sounds wimpy that I give up so easily, just 2months into the course. But tell you what, the tests have been flooding in, every week there're blogs to post to your lecturers, and the lectures never seem to slow down. It keeps going faster and faster, building up faster than I can catchup. There's so many things I want to do.. join a surfing club, be competitive in dragonboat, skydive, club, get a job and work, get a car and drive long hours and scream with friends.. and mend potential friendships. Gah, time to grind the books.

Define being the special one to you.

When jealousy swarms into your heart and soul.
When envy fills to the brim and makes you want to be the person there instead of the other.
When confusion steps in and messes up your every move.

Disappointment crushes you.

I swear I really made a mistake there.
God, my dumbness really kills sometimes.

And whats more, are we still friends?

Although we're from different places, I can say I really do like you.
But it always seems that you're so far away when I try to talk to you.

BURN YOUR WEEKENDS WELL!

Have. To. Study. Harder.

So. I. Can. Enjoy. My. Weekends!

Crown Casino was the best highlight for this week though, blackjack FTW.
Gonna try russian roulette soonish HAHA!

K to the books!

400+AUD
65seconds

lets go? LOL

Today's like the most happening day of my life.

St Kilda's beach after my favourite subway seafood sensation brunch.
Played rugby frisbee and get to dip myself in australia seas? LOL

Keep hitting the same woman while passing the rugby ball and she was super furious saying : ' ONE MORE TIME AND I'M GONNA HURT SOMEBODY ' LOL
I laughed when she said that, okay actually I only chuckle when I turn my back against her HAHA.

Back home, rest, had dinner with the asian group, the hongkongers, treated this 17 yr old, melody, tim tam. She damn cute lah, like elf like that, wanna put her into my pocket LOL

Then after karaoke hostel party, sang along, chill abit and headed towards the.. BASS LOUNGE.
Bass lounge = underground club in a mall? I think? Not bad though, had quite abit of fun but theres one thing which I want to swear about..

FUCK MELBOURNE AND SHUFFLING. WHERE THE FUCK IS TECKTONIK MAN!
They should seriously learn to hybrid it. Nerds?

K its 6am in the morning. I need to sleep, might have a lunch date tmr. Night people who reads my blog :D

BON VOYAGE TO THE PEOPLE WHOM'RE TRAVELLING!

BYE

Now they've been here before, they're not gonna give it to us.
We gotta go out there and take it, right, take it!
I want you to go out there and take it!
1 2 3, TAKE IT!

Fuck man, I'm all fired up.. but I've to go to bed FUCK!

TAKE IT! HAHAHAHAHA!

Don Haskins : You got real talent son, why throw it away.

Bobby Joe Hill : I'll tell you why, ever since i was a kid, i only love one thing, that was playing ball. Do you understand what that's like to have that ball in your hand, it's like, it's like making sweet music with your game, only thing is, you don't wanna hear the song.

I think GSL needs hokkien-gangster-language commentators. LOL
Needs a new flavour to it.

and wtf!?!? Waterbats LOL

But then again, fate wouldn't just work if you don't do anything about it.

Yesterday was really up and down.

The downside is getting too hasty and caring too much :S

Even the leaf fell and tap my right cheek ( like giving me a tight slap to wake me up from my wrongdoings )

The up? Well, I was driving home and receive that thing which made my mood really, up until cannot up?! LOLOLOL! It really did make my day, for a moment I really thought , yeah, no hope alr?

K, self control, self compose, lets continue..

Yeap, its a 61 key keyboard. I bought one for myself to bring over to melb and self learn it ^^ Quite cheap and its quite decent as well. Was trying it out at PS just now.

Okay confession time, I'm back in Singapore for people whom reads this. I came back for some reason and for afew days and yes, I didn't bother to tell you guys not because I'm not brother enough but, aiya, afew days only what :S Nothing much to fuss about.

Alright, I'm gonna go pack my bag and prepare for take off later at 11:45pm towards melb once again! Damn, all the travelling hahahaha! AND ALUMBRA TMR! Holy cow, am I excited or what!

Later~ ;D

P.S. I'm really sorry for what happened ytd still. And.. goodluck for your last paper! I guess thats all I can say for now till I'm 'quarantined'. Oh wells.

P.P.S. This time I'll bet it on ' time ', ' patience ' and ' fate '.

Stupid Boy.



A very beautiful song hidden inside my 'inventory' which I've no idea why am I only sharing it now. HAHA.
K need to go his concert. ^^

K, I hate it when this happens.
I guess I'll leave it to you to do it right, fate.

And if it happens, I really dk how to react to that :S

My envy.
Damn how I wish you would heal. COMPLETELY

http://www.my-wardrobe.com/sebago/navy-and-red-leather-boat-shoes-517337?c_id=wgusd&utm_source=webgains_affiliate_usd&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=webgains_affiliate_usd&_$ja=tsid:9732&cm_mmc=affiliate-_-webgains-_-US-_-my-wardrobe

I wonder if this sleek boat shoe fits me ^^

I need some self control pills!

My impatience-ness, 's always the key to destroying everything I've sowed.
But damn, I just want to do it.

********

My dad missed me so much till he got fever and he was super happy, eating subway with me just now in the morning. I seriously thought he came by for business but he cancelled his business trip just to see me and how I'm doing over here.
Fuck man, and hes leaving tmr, sounding kinda sad and stuffs. I'm tossing in bed, wondrin if I should accompany him back to sg tmr, same flight. My mom scolded me, my dad was esctatic hearing that I'll fly with him. Sigh, I'm caught in the middle?

Once again? Help?

angmohs are really angmohs
Their actions and games really mei hua ke shuo.
2hours of pingpong?! hmmm, really?

When should one stop fighting and accept their own fate?
I've fought really hard for things..
I'm born with deficiency in my eyes when my dream was to..
I was ready for the national team when my knee had to..

But I guess I'm still gonna try for the things I want/like, no matter how much times I'm gonna fail.
Andy fighting?! :D

And I've been playing pingpong all day long, maybe the route to success for me 's actually to become australia's national paddler? LOL

K, need to stop bs-ing and rest. Tmr's the time to tectonik LOL kekezx

I think I'm seriously gonna grow fat in no time.
Yesterday was steak and cheese foot long.
Today's subway melt with a routine of sleeping from 9pmSGT - 5amSGT ( +3hrs in melb ), go buy subway, divide into 3 portions, ate a portion and sleep till 1pmSGT. and just! finished the last portion of it at 545pmSGT. ( Okay even I'm confused about what I'm saying -.- )
Whatever it is, I just eat sleep sit eat sleep sit x 135132432523
FUCK MAN , I swear I'm gonna hit the gym and ooze all the fats out!

Just went out with this, level 6 mate, like the best friend I've made throughout this 2 days? LOL
He's from bangladesh and he's studying the same course as me. HEHE, can make use of him to help me with school work whenever I'm stuck LOL
Damn, I feel so xia jian /slaps-myself.

Okay, it's time, I shall go downstairs, to the tv room and try to make new friends haha!
Btw, if I'm not wrong, I'm clubbing tmr? WTFSAGASGASGDASHGDS. Can't believe I'm going to start clubbing already LOL

And I seriously wonder why, those whites like to play pingpong? Theres the pool table and arcade machines around and they'all just hog the ping pong table? Screw em LOL

OKAY
I promise not to be such an asshole, forgive me my buddha HAHA

SQ airlines really damn power.
Especially when it comes to the food part. I had like yu sheng, with a piece of sashimi inside, chicken fried rice, bread with butter, biscuit with cheddar cheese. Seriously, feels like a feast O_O

Arrived in Melbourne and waited for 3hours to register myself into the school. Then after I walked ard to buy..

1) Pillow
2) Pillow cover
3) Mattress cover
4) Water cooker
5) SAGSAHWELGADSJHGLASHASFK I FORGET TO BUY PORTABLE FAN!

Tonight I'm gonna fucking wet the bed with my body fluids kekekezx :X

Haven't eaten a thing since then but tell you what, its 5pm now, we're 3 hours ahead, I'm gonna crash for abit, cause I haven't slept a wink at all since i board the plane at 10pm. Totally regret, keep watching all the stephen chow movies/play games/andy lau mahjong movie = touchdown at melbourne in a blink blink O_O!

HAHA kk shall be back!
STILL, singapore > melbourne!

There're bound to be more attractive things outside.
But now that I've bound my heart to this one thing..

I'll let fate take it's course :)

Jennifer Lopez - On The Floor ft. Pitbull (NEW 2011 FULL SONG)

Okay this song keeps ringing in my head LOL
Damn addictive.

''You never know how it feels to lose someone, someone so close..
Because you were prepared at some point, to let it hit you and move on''

I really shouldn't have poured out my whole heart, when I saw your best friend cheating on you, to take care of you and make sure you never ever feel sad anymore.

I'm confused, I'm still lost.
I don't know why must I be the kind of person that needs answers, answers that'll make me move on.
Normally I tend to take the first damn step to every single problem/answer/solution.
But this time, I really hope you can take the first step, I really don't know what will happen, what will you say, but at least.. care.

or 's life just better without me.

a part of my heart and soul still wants you :S
Even if its a hug before I fly.

Today's a pretty good day, had a really long sleep till 12, went to swimming after lunch, with mr gwee. Then slacked till dinner came home, eat and now its 2am! Oh wells, what a life I'm leading right now /giggle.
Guess I need to really start working on my ironing skills to get myself ready for Australia!

There will be a sudden call to hongkong this week, i think? Hope I don't kena on weekends and days when people ask me out.

I still want to meet as many people as I can before I fly!
Bring em joy and laughter before I fly!
Make this last few days in Singapore, a happy and worthwhile one!

Been busy clubbing and supper-ing my life away. Super unhealthy lifestyle that makes me sleep at 7am everyday, and recently im having insomnia, can't sleep at all. Damn. And I tend to sleep like 3-5hours and I cannot go back to sleep anymore.

Anyways, just doing a random blog post.
Am eating this korea seaweed my mom bought back from her december holiday trip.
Thinking back, when my NS friend bought seaweed back to share with us, i purposely kept afew, for my ex gf. Even eating seaweed reminds me of her. All those silly lil things I do for her, all those small lil things I do for her, just to see her smile. Guess it all came to naught.

Well but till today, I'm still trying to forget, put the past behind.